In the spirit of self-(re)discovery and commitment to getting healthy, I’ve been overindulging in a very specific activity today: re-reading my entire blog from the beginning.

I became a weight loss warrior in 2015. I lost over 100 pounds and was on track to get to my goal weight. For reasons that aren’t worth getting into right here and now, I didn’t reach the finish line. But I did some amazing work.

I’m not the most cooperative person sometimes when it comes to unsolicited — hell, sometimes even solicited — advice from others. I want to ensure I stay motivated and focused, though. So maybe I’ll listen to past-me as she blazed the trail all those years ago.

It’s effective. It’s strange, nostalgic, and bittersweet to read back… but effective nonetheless.

This morning, I took a friend out to a belated birthday breakfast and pedicure splurge. I didn’t feel super energized to go for a workout when I got home around midday, but I took myself to the gym and logged a 10-minute jog on the elliptical and a 5-mile ride on the stationary bike.

Accompanying me at the gym this go-round is another relic of my old working out life: my iPod. I know, I know: ring the outdated tech bell! But there’s a method to my madness. Gym time is my time. I can’t be giving in to the distractions of texts and emails and videos and doomscrolling. Sure, I could stream music from my phone like a functional member of 2025 society, but I don’t trust myself to do that without caving to the temptation of all those other apps. So iPod it is, for as long as it continues to live.

As you can imagine, my old Move! playlist hasn’t been updated in several years. As with my blog re-read, scrolling through its contents was similarly strange, nostalgic, and bittersweet. But props to some creative choices I made while I was keeping it current. Here for your amusement is a selection of the (sometimes surprising) additions that make for good cardio tunes, several of which are from very bygone eras. Come for the BPM, stay for the lyrics that (sometimes rather inexplicably) fuel my movement.

1. Right Here (Departed) – Brandy
   When your tears have dried from cryin’
   And the world has turned silent
   And when the clouds have all departed
   You’ll be right here with me
   
   
2. Scandalous – Mis-teeq
   Hot stuff head to toe
   Where you go, no one knows
   Cute smile, plenty dough
   And we ain’t even close yet
   
   
3. Hold My Hand – Jess Glynne
   I’m ready for this, there′s no denying
   I’m ready for this, you stop me falling
   I’m ready for this, I need you all in
   
   
4. You Can Do It – No Doubt
   You can do it, you’re gonna do it
   Jumpin’ through it, you’re gonna do it
   You’ll get through it, you’re gonna do it
   You can do it, you’re gonna do it
   You can do it, you’re gonna do it
   You can do it, you’re gonna do it
   You can do it, so get to it
   
   
5. I Did Something Bad – Taylor Swift
   They say I did something bad
   Then why’s it feel so good
   Most fun I ever had
   And I’d do it over and over and over again if I could
   
   
6. Get Back – Ludacris
   Hey, you want what with me
   Imma tell you one time don’t fuck with me
   Get down, cuz I ain’t got nothing to lose
   And I’m having a bad day, don’t make me take it out on you
   
   
7. Freedom – Beyoncé ft. Kendrick Lamar
   I break chains all by myself
   Won’t let my freedom rot in hell, hey
   Imma keep running
   Cuz a winner don’t quit on themselves
   
   
8. Scream – Michael Jackson & Janet Jackson
   Stop pressurin’ me
   Just stop pressurin’ me
   Stop fuckin’ with me
   Make me wanna scream
   

There are a few other interesting nuggets on there, but I’m pretty sure I mentioned them in other blog posts (I haven’t made it the whole way through my re-read yet, and am not sure if I will). Gotta love the little trip down musical memory lane — and these songs are still doing their job for me! I almost don’t want to add anything to the playlist… but I know I will have to eventually to keep a fresh rotation and variety.

This particular moment in Mission attempt #countless.0 has me feeling a bit precarious. It’s been simultaneously tough and surprisingly easy to get back into exercising so far; my body wants to do this, and my mind wants to do it just as much. I’ve been at it with intention since June 18th, and I have lost around 10 pounds since I last weighed myself before that date back in mid May. This year so far has (re)taught me that I can at least trust my own judgment, intuition, instincts, etc. In full honesty, my confidence is still very shaky, and part of what I’m trying to reclaim with this endeavor is that. It will take time, but every droplet of sweat goes directly into that bucket. All I can do is keep at it.

I will eventually believe [I] Can Do it – No Doubt.

*I may be wrong about some of the lyrics, but this is how I hear them!
**Yes, this is some true… shall we say… musical eclecticism. 🙃