Two years ago today, I made The Change.
It was tentative at first, but it stuck… for a while. For months and months, I gained steam and experienced a lot of successful changes physically, mentally, and emotionally. After nearly a full year of hard work, I eagerly laced up my running shoes and went for my first-ever outdoor run in the refreshing spring air after work.
It was also my last outdoor run.
I spent the remainder of 2016 undoing most of the work I’d done from March 23rd, 2015, until that date. I couldn’t even bring myself to post on my first worth day because I was too busy falling off the wagon, sabotaging myself, and feeling 360 degrees of shitty about it. One little thing went wrong, and then I allowed every little thing to go wrong and nearly ruin my weight loss. What a waste.
This year, I’m not at the size I thought I would be when I imagined myself two years out at my start date on this day in 2015. I’m trying to claw my way back to the levels of health and happiness I had managed to reach previously, before I will really be able to believe I can attain my ultimate goals. If I started out two years ago feeling tentative, that’s amped waaaaaaaaaay up this time around.
Shakiness aside, I am making sure to recognize my efforts today. The path I’ve taken hasn’t been straight or without significant obstacles, but it’s started taking me back towards where I’ve long wanted — and needed — to go. As my mission enters its toddlerhood, I recommit to the girl who has always occupied, and will always occupy, this body: I will be fearless. I will work hard. I will see to it that my last outdoor run was only my most recent outdoor run, not my final outdoor run. I will one day stop being ashamed of this body and strive to not only accept it, but to see it as beautiful.
I am worth it.
Happy worth day, dear body.