DAY 85: So much detoxing.

I had a few fits and starts getting onto the weight-loss track this year. My January attempt puttered out after about 5 days. My February attempt lasted about twice that long. In March, I basically threw my hands in the air and ate my way through the calendar. I finally got my shit together at the very end of the month/very beginning of April.

Each of these times when I started down the clean eating path — no processed, chemicalized “food” — I had varying degrees of detox symptoms: headache, low energy, crankiness, cravings for the crap I had cut from my diet, trouble concentrating, a little soreness in my muscles. I didn’t realize detox was what I was experiencing at first; I thought it was just adjusting to a regular cycle of eating meals and fitting in exercise (which I now realize doesn’t make much sense). I know now that it was part of the process of my body releasing all that nasty junk I had been putting into it for years… and releasing it fo’eva! (OK, not fo’EVA-eva, but at least as a main source of nutrition.) (Side note: I used to think it was total bull shit when people said they were “addicted to food.” That was also before I understood that the “food” in question was the processed junk, or that said processed junk contained enough chemicals as to actually cause an addictive habit in consumers. Truly like a drug, just as many people claim. Mindblowing. I’m so glad I took the time to open myself up to the valuable education related to this.  Wow, that was a long parenthetical.  I guess I had more to say there than I thought.)

Anyway, I started wondering lately why I’ve been able to make it stick this time, and why it feels so different from my many, many previous false starts. I think I’ve figured it out: it was the OTHER detox I did. I won’t get into all the details, but I ended a friendship of 16 years in the winter with someone who was just a sour, draining, negative presence in my life. It was something I was cognizant of for a while, and for the life of me, I can’t figure out why I fought to keep it. Maybe it was nostalgia, maybe it was denial, maybe it was self-sabotage, maybe I’ll never know. Regardless, I didn’t realize how many pathways it opened up for me to finally let go of this toxic relationship. All of a sudden, I felt more myself. I appreciated the truly good presences in my life. I liked and respected myself more. And without realizing the connection at the time, it gave me the confidence I needed in order to believe I could cut out the other poisonous parts of my life.

I surpassed my 50-pound weight-loss mark this past weekend. That friendship I severed has officially given me more in its death than it ever did in its life.

RIP toxins.

5 thoughts on “DAY 85: So much detoxing.

  1. Lacey says:

    50 pounds?!? AMAZING!
    I definitely believe that all the processed chemicals found in foods now are addictive. And as with any addiction, it’s incredibly difficult to break free of that cycle of craving. At almost the 3-month mark now, you’re well on your way.

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    • Yeah… I don’t think I fully understood what was actually IN those packaged foods, or what it meant that there was so much of that stuff in there. I watched a lot of documentaries when I first started this biznass back in April to remind me what I was actually breaking away from, and I think that reinforced my understanding of the process as well as supported my choices. It happened to be really good timing, but also allowed me to make a profound shift in the way I thought about what I was eating. We need to do better than food pyramids and BS health classes in schools to educate the public about how to feed a body.

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  2. DUDE. Get out of my head. It’s so funny that our thought processes keep hitting some of the same points. I just posted a blog TAHDAY about food addiction and referenced Outkast. That’s bizarre.

    But anyway, 50 pounds is FANTASTIC! Detoxing from people is rough, and I’m glad you did it.

    I’m going to have to re-detox from all the sugar and crap AGAIN after the last few days. I’m so disappointed in myself, but I’m trying not to dwell on it. Past is past and all that. Know what, though? Your blogs always remind me to shake if off and re-motivate me. 50 pounds?! That’s so great! I could be a 50 pounds lost now if I hadn’t crapped out so many times! I don’t mean that competitively (well, maybe just a tinge) but with remorse. I wasted time. I wasted time being crappy to myself when I could have been being good to myself. DUMB.

    Thanks for the reminder.

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    • I noticed the vibing Outkast quoting when I stalked your blog! OMG! That is actually borderline terrifying.

      Detoxing from people or chemicals packaged as food is no fun. The trite diet mantras of moderation and control and lifestyle change are finally actually clicking with me. I wish I could explain why, but I don’t actually know.

      You’re gonna get it, girl. I know it! Why? Because of another trite mantra: If I can do it, you can do it. Except in this case, it’s super true, because we are the same person.

      Liked by 1 person

      • “They” always say you can’t change till you’re ready to change. Obviously, you’re ready. And that’s why you’re down 50 pounds! And, you know, stick-to-it-iveness. I need more of that.
        And probably more Outkast in my workout mix. Haha! Keep on doing your thang, lady. You’re keeping me re-committing. No pressure. 😀

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