Tag Archives: weight loss

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NEW DAY 60: Seeing is believing

Another metric is in: restaurant booths.

The last time I went to a certain fast casual chain was July 4th, which was about 6 weeks ago. I had been doing my frantic gym sessions and abrupt sugar detox for roughly 3 weeks at that point, so not much had noticeably changed for me physically yet. On July 4th, I struggled to squeeze into the restaurant booth and my body was touching both the back of the bench and the table throughout the meal — a reality I’d become all to familiar with, in spite of the discomfort.

Fast forward to yesterday when I returned to the scene of the ongoing crime. Several inches separated me from the edge of the table. I can comfortably fit into a booth again.

I had noticed the gradual changes over these past few weeks: more space between my belly and the steering wheel when I drive; less incidental contact with things like walls and furniture; roomier workout shirts; getting into tops that haven’t fit in several years. While my drops in weight haven’t been monumental, the slow slimming down of my figure has. In addition to fat, I was surely carrying a lot of bloat that has finally taken a hike.

I am falling into the trap of feeling frustrated that the number on the scale doesn’t seem to fully match what I’m observing off of it, and I’m trying to temper that as I continue my progress. I will say that the pounds lost aren’t obsessing me the way they used to in previous iterations of this. That tells me this is the healthiest approach I have ever had to getting healthy.

That beats every other metric, every time.

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NEW DAY 57: Loose caboose

We have achieved saggy underwear, people. This is not a drill.

It’s that otherworldly moment of weight loss where somehow the waistband still fits, but the seat has extra room — and that extra room hangs off the booty like it melted. This creates quite the bum conundrum: it’s not ideal to have a bunch of excess material chilling in your pants, but it’s also not quite time for new undies.

And yet, I can’t complain at all. It’s physical evidence that there’s less cushion behind me. Woo! Talk about working your ass off, amirite??

Speaking of which, I am about to end day 5 of 75 Hard. Math tells me that I’m 6.7% of the way to the finish line. I may get there limping, kicking, screaming, and dragging a trail of unfilled panty material behind me, but gosh darn it, I’m gonna get there!

I can’t wait to see what else doesn’t fit by late October. ☺️

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NEW DAY 56: They don’t call it 75 Easy

It’s day 4 of 75 Hard, and boyyyyyy, is it ever! I linked to the rules in my previous post, but here’s the rap down of what I will be doing every day for the next 75 71:

  • Taking a daily full-body progress selfie (for my eyes only)
  • Reading at least 10 pages of a non-fiction book in the vein of self-improvement
  • Drinking 1 gallon (4 litres) of water
  • Not consuming any alcohol
  • Picking a diet to follow and not straying AT ALL (I’m doing 0 added sugar)
  • Working out twice per day for at least 45 minutes each time, 3 hours minimum apart — and one session has to be outdoors, rain or shine

As with Whole 30, these rules are iron clad and the regimen is as strict as it gets. If you fail in any of these components for a given day, you have failed the challenge. If you want to continue, you have to start all over from the very beginning.

It’s mostly carving out the time for all the things plus 2 workouts per day that is throwing me. I’ve been making it work, but it’s been tricky. My body is tired. I have no temptation to give up, but the mental fortitude required to keep going is no joke!

I’ve joined 3 DietBets this week, so I’ ve had a peek at the scale for my weigh-ins. I’m down another couple of pounds since starting 75 Hard. The cool part is that I can actually feel and see it now. Crazy how a couple of pounds can be what it takes to make all the progress suddenly show up! I’m participating in this challenge primarily for psychological soundness reasons, but won’t pretend I’m not excited about the weight loss I’m anticipating by the end.

It feels so good to start believing in myself again.

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NEW DAY 52: Vacation (all I ever wanted)

I got home yesterday from 2 weeks of traveling. I saw new places with familiar faces, spent a lot of time outdoors, and truly got away from things that I needed an escape from. I am back feeling recharged and still committed to healthy living. I actually missed the gym while I was away — and I continued to have no interest in tasty treats. The scale rewarded my consistency with a 4-lb loss.

Part of my travels was with a friend I hadn’t seen in a decade. In the time since, she has become very outdoorsy and athletic: she’s an avid hiker, jogger, and rock climber. When I say she’s athletic, I mean she’s climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. Recently. (Yeah, that’s right, my people are freakin’ cool.) So uh, I did have some concerns about whether I’d be able to keep up with her while we were roaming around our leg of the trip. I’m not saying I was matching her pace, but I was matching her energy level, and I wasn’t all out of breath and incapable of doing the things we wanted to do because I was too overweight and out of shape. Of all the high points of my trip — which was made up of almost exclusively high points — this is the one I may be happiest about.

I took myself on a bucket-list trip to Australia back in October for my birthday. I had always wanted to make that trip, but hesitated not only because of the expense and the fact that it would be a solo trek, but perhaps most of all because I knew there would be things that my size and (lack of) fitness would preclude me from doing, which I would have wanted to do. Sure enough, there were activities I had to opt out of for those reasons. The things I did do, I found took a lot longer for me to do and required a lot more energy to do than they should have. It was perhaps the worst shape I’ve ever been in on a trip like that, which is regrettable. I’m still glad I went, but I can’t pretend I feel no disappointment from the overall experience. I look forward to going back on a redemption trip there at some future point.

Come Monday, my daily routine will be changing and I’ll have to figure out how to reconfigure my schedule to include exercise time. I’m beginning 75 Hard with the friend who knows about this blog (hi!) tomorrow on something of a whim (for me), so I’m really locking in some hardcore stuff to take shape over the next 2.5 months! It seems like fortuitous timing to sync with my return from vacation and pivot into a new chapter with the start of a new job on Monday. Someone remind me on day 23 that I did this to myself. 🙃

That about covers it for now, but I trust there will be a lot of content in the coming 75 days or so!

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NEW DAY 33: Just keep moving

My last two workouts have been tough.

Friday was a real struggle. Not even running as fast as I can/normally do, I started feeling almost queasy with 10 minutes left to go. I powered through it — it took every ounce of mental strength and focus that I had, and I kept going. I did it so I could say I did it, so: I DID IT. I’m proud of myself for getting through that, but it felt rough throughout and for a while after. It left me feeling so icky that I skipped a Sunday workout to try to respond to the message my body seemed to be sending me.

Yesterday, I decided I’d do a 60-minute treadmill walk rather than an elliptical run. At the 50-minute mark, I realized I had a massive blister forming on the ball of my right foot that already hurt and was a big enough bubble that it was making my steps weird, and that was causing discomfort in my hip. I had to stop myself 10 minutes shy of the time I’d wanted to hit. (Luckily, my at-home blister remedies have been effective and the thing is already flat and painless.)

In the interim, I discovered that the cut on my knee has gotten infected. Yay! (I’m treating it now, and I think it’s responding.)

But you know what? It’s not all bad news.

At dinner with a friend on Saturday night, he asked: “Are you losing weight?” I said yes, and I was surprised he could tell. He said it was noticeable in my face.

That’s step 1! Next up: neck and shoulders.

I signed up for a DietBet earlier this month. It was already a week underway when I decided to join, which means I had 25% less time to lose the same 4% of body weight that I would have had if I’d joined at the start date of the game. The weigh-out was today.

I won by 1/2 pound.

It’s working.

**exhale**

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NEW DAY 22: Pause

Since I took a spill yesterday, I decided to be very cautious and take the day off from cardio today for the first time in more than a week. In addition to my gym workouts, I’ve started doing short isolated workouts from the app Lazy Fit. I’m actually enjoying them so far, so I’m thinking I’ll keep the subscription! But man, I woke up this morning feeling it from the one I did yesterday — another reason why a rest day was in order. I did still do my daily Lazy Fit program, but I’ll admit it was a little tougher than it should have been while carrying yesterday’s earned soreness… although I suspect some of it is also from the fall. I cushioned my fall with my left arm, and that’s feeling the burn today.

Luckily, I haven’t had any intense restlessness I’ve felt itchy to relieve today, so I’m grateful for that. It felt a little weird to take the day off from a good elliptical or treadmill sesh. It almost felt risky. But it would have been riskier to push a mildly protesting ankle, so I’m glad I listened to my body. Looking forward to getting back to the gym tomorrow!

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NEW DAY 21: Walked right into that one

I have never been the most coordinated person. The number of times I’ve gotten unprovoked injuries from toppling over while just standing there is laughable — literally, I have learned to laugh at myself. Mind you, I tend to be just fine when doing something you’d expect injury from, like using tools or carrying heavy things around. It’s solely when it makes zero sense for someone to get hurt, that I get hurt.

Today was the first break in a long string of days that were well above 90F, so I decided to take a nice, long walk outside and benefit from the fresh air. I spent an hour marching through a well-maintained trail, part of which is paved, and taking in the sun and air on my skin. Then at the end, walking down a ramp to the parking lot and within the last 20 or so steps to my car, I went down. Just dropped like a rag doll. I realized on my way down that my ankle had given out, and once I was satisfied from my new vantage point flat on my belly that I hadn’t done real damage to it, I sat up and took the rest of the inventory: profusely bleeding finger, scraped knee. Minor damage, and not sure I would even call it that. Luckily, no one saw my wipe-out! I got back up and cleaned my cuts with my first aid kit I keep in the car, and came home to shower the sunscreen, sweat, dirt, and blood away.

Battle scars. Something to show for the trudge through hazy humidity.

I’m fine. Not even my pride is hurt.

Let’s go!

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NEW DAY 20: Running scared

What if I can’t do it… again?

There’s so much I can’t do. I’ve failed at what feels like innumerable things in my life, and so much this year in particular. Today, I suddenly realized I am having imposter syndrome about everything. EVERYTHING.

My mind is very unhealthy right now. The only thing that has acted as a release valve has been movement.

My current situation is bad, but one luxury I have is that I can go for a workout whenever I want. It’s become a crutch to the point that I wonder if it’s actually problematic to be creating this type of likely-unsustainable precedent for myself, but it’s extremely helpful to me right now, so I’m gonna punt that potential problem to a later time.

The feelings of inadequacy, the fears that things will never get better, the preoccupation with how much I’m doing wrong, the outsize concern over rather trivial matters, the involuntary “what-if” thinking… they’re consuming. They’re suffocating. They’re draining. They’re LOUD.

But not when I’m running. Thank goodness.

I’ve had a long history of fitness attempts, all of which had notable success before ultimately failing. There were big similarities between the trajectories each time. I don’t remember this apprehensive state being part of it before. I know it’s because the stakes are at their highest now, and that this shitty year is casting a very long, very dark shadow over everything I do. It’s one more inner demon to combat in my very noisy mind amid the deafening silence of the faltering existential landscape around me. The discomfort from working out gives me something to feel other than sadness, and the challenge of keeping myself going when it feels too hard gives me something to think about other than how much I’ve fucked up my life. I kind of remember experiencing those benefits before, when the stakes were lower.

One thing I know I’ve never experienced in my past attempts is a total absence of “bad” cravings. It’s like I woke up one day and had zero interest in consuming anything that isn’t a healthy choice. It almost feels like cheating; as hard as physical conditioning and exercise are, especially in the beginning, the diet part was always harder for me. Temptation lurked around every corner, threatening to derail me in a moment of weakness — even in my dreams. This time, that’s a foreign concept. I doubt it will last forever, but for as long as I have this unexpected and incredibly valuable tool in my arsenal, I will be grateful for it.

While I’d love for the total disinterest in crappy food to be a lifelong friend, I’d welcome a change in the rest of my mentality. Fear’s ability to power my workouts is a tarnished silver lining, but feeling powerful in my workouts on my own is what I’m running after.

I hope I catch it soon.

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NEW DAY 16: Time capsule

In the spirit of self-(re)discovery and commitment to getting healthy, I’ve been overindulging in a very specific activity today: re-reading my entire blog from the beginning.

I became a weight loss warrior in 2015. I lost over 100 pounds and was on track to get to my goal weight. For reasons that aren’t worth getting into right here and now, I didn’t reach the finish line. But I did some amazing work.

I’m not the most cooperative person sometimes when it comes to unsolicited — hell, sometimes even solicited — advice from others. I want to ensure I stay motivated and focused, though. So maybe I’ll listen to past-me as she blazed the trail all those years ago.

It’s effective. It’s strange, nostalgic, and bittersweet to read back… but effective nonetheless.

This morning, I took a friend out to a belated birthday breakfast and pedicure splurge. I didn’t feel super energized to go for a workout when I got home around midday, but I took myself to the gym and logged a 10-minute jog on the elliptical and a 5-mile ride on the stationary bike.

Accompanying me at the gym this go-round is another relic of my old working out life: my iPod. I know, I know: ring the outdated tech bell! But there’s a method to my madness. Gym time is my time. I can’t be giving in to the distractions of texts and emails and videos and doomscrolling. Sure, I could stream music from my phone like a functional member of 2025 society, but I don’t trust myself to do that without caving to the temptation of all those other apps. So iPod it is, for as long as it continues to live.

As you can imagine, my old Move! playlist hasn’t been updated in several years. As with my blog re-read, scrolling through its contents was similarly strange, nostalgic, and bittersweet. But props to some creative choices I made while I was keeping it current. Here for your amusement is a selection of the (sometimes surprising) additions that make for good cardio tunes, several of which are from very bygone eras. Come for the BPM, stay for the lyrics that (sometimes rather inexplicably) fuel my movement.

  1. Right Here (Departed) – Brandy
    When your tears have dried from cryin’
    And the world has turned silent
    And when the clouds have all departed
    You’ll be right here with me

  2. Scandalous – Mis-teeq
    Hot stuff head to toe
    Where you go, no one knows
    Cute smile, plenty dough
    And we ain’t even close yet

  3. Hold My Hand – Jess Glynne
    I’m ready for this, there′s no denying
    I’m ready for this, you stop me falling
    I’m ready for this, I need you all in

  4. You Can Do It – No Doubt
    You can do it, you’re gonna do it
    Jumpin’ through it, you’re gonna do it
    You’ll get through it, you’re gonna do it
    You can do it, you’re gonna do it
    You can do it, you’re gonna do it
    You can do it, you’re gonna do it
    You can do it, so get to it

  5. I Did Something Bad – Taylor Swift
    They say I did something bad
    Then why’s it feel so good
    Most fun I ever had
    And I’d do it over and over and over again if I could

  6. Get Back – Ludacris
    Hey, you want what with me
    Imma tell you one time don’t fuck with me
    Get down, cuz I ain’t got nothing to lose
    And I’m having a bad day, don’t make me take it out on you

  7. Freedom – Beyoncé ft. Kendrick Lamar
    I break chains all by myself
    Won’t let my freedom rot in hell, hey
    Imma keep running
    Cuz a winner don’t quit on themselves

  8. Scream – Michael Jackson & Janet Jackson
    Stop pressurin’ me
    Just stop pressurin’ me
    Stop fuckin’ with me
    Make me wanna scream

There are a few other interesting nuggets on there, but I’m pretty sure I mentioned them in other blog posts (I haven’t made it the whole way through my re-read yet, and am not sure if I will). Gotta love the little trip down musical memory lane — and these songs are still doing their job for me! I almost don’t want to add anything to the playlist… but I know I will have to eventually to keep a fresh rotation and variety.

This particular moment in Mission attempt #countless.0 has me feeling a bit precarious. It’s been simultaneously tough and surprisingly easy to get back into exercising so far; my body wants to do this, and my mind wants to do it just as much. I’ve been at it with intention since June 18th, and I have lost around 10 pounds since I last weighed myself before that date back in mid May. This year so far has (re)taught me that I can at least trust my own judgment, intuition, instincts, etc. In full honesty, my confidence is still very shaky, and part of what I’m trying to reclaim with this endeavor is that. It will take time, but every droplet of sweat goes directly into that bucket. All I can do is keep at it.

I will eventually believe [I] Can Do it – No Doubt.


*I may be wrong about some of the lyrics, but this is how I hear them!
**Yes, this is some true… shall we say… musical eclecticism. 🙃

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DAY 038: The proclivity for negativity

DietBet Kickstarts 1 and 2 (out of 3) have ended, and I’m a two-time winner!  I have just a bit more to go before I meet the goal for my third one that weighs out this time next week, and I have every intention of winning it.  Anyone in a DietBet has every intention of winning, though, right?  Or they wouldn’t be betting in the first place.  The money is a huge motivator… but it shouldn’t be the focus.

Unfortunately, I’m seeing a new trend in the DietBet community that I’ve never seen before in almost three years on the site:  whiny, complain-y, negative comments about the modest winnings.  Both of my recently-ended Kickstarters heavily showcased these gripes.  In most cases, they came from people with misguided expectations about how much money they would come away with if they hit their goals — these folks pretty clearly didn’t bother to read or understand the rules before joining the game, or before shooting their mouths off at the end of it.  I know it’s disappointing to “only” win six bucks after working your tail off for a month, but imagine how much worse it must be to come within a pound of your goal after working your tail off for a month, and losing your entire buy-in on top of that!  (By the way, those people are the ones who financed your six-buck win, complainers.  And then you bitched about it.  Double ouch for them, huh?)

Many people have been quick to point out to the ranters that DietBet is a place for support, motivation, and accountability; it is NOT a get-rick-quick scheme.  It’s why I’ve come to DietBet every time I’ve felt myself slipping and needing to get back on track, and as long as I stay focused, it works for me.  Not because of the money, but because of the support.  I once hosted a DietBet, albeit a small one, with a $10 buy-in that only had about a dozen people in it.  We were VERY active as a group with posting and interacting, and we had a blast losing weight together.  At the end of the bet, none of us profited a single penny because we ALL met our 4% goal.  That wasn’t a fluke coincidence; that was because we were in it together.  The fact that we only got back our initial investment was beyond worth it because it meant that nobody lost the game and everybody had lost weight.  We were really there for each other.  It was the best DB game I’ve ever played.

The wonderful thing about January is it does flip a switch in people to make changes in their lives where they feel unhappy, and weight is probably the number one thing people resolve to change about themselves at the first of the year.  It’s fantastic when people make strides towards health and self-improvement, and even more fantastic when they succeed.  Unfortunately, it means many newcomers flood gyms and websites with the most earnest of intentions, but without a real plan.  They haven’t done the research, and then it’s everyone else’s problem — sometimes fault? — that they aren’t having their sugar-free cake and eating it, too.  If you’re pissy because you didn’t rake in a windfall on a community weight-loss site, honestly, shame on you for having that expectation in the first place.  There is nothing anywhere in the rules or FAQs that should have led you to formulate such an idea.  Congratulate the people who busted their asses to win, just like you did, and get back to work.   **steps off soap box**

Ironically, all the negativity in the air on DB right now has triggered some positive thinking for me.  I’ve been kind of skittish lately about the eventuality of my foot surgery, which is likely to happen next month.  I know that as long as I plan, I can avoid regaining, and can even continue to make progress on my weight loss.  Even still, it’s hard not to feel kind of nervous about being essentially immobilized for such a long period.  That’s a slippery slope to negative self-talk.  What the pouters on DB have inadvertently reminded me with all their negative talk is that it’s incredibly unappealing and counter-productive.  I’m not on my mission for any other reason than that I want to be.  And you know what?  I can do it.  I just have to decide to.  Multiple times a day, every day.  The only way to do that is by staying positive.

In the meantime, I really hope this influx of downers is not the start of a new trend on DietBet.  It really crushes what has always been a positive atmosphere for most players.  No one is here for that.