I got a massage over the weekend as my 50-pound milestone reward.  I usually do the Swedish + deep tissue combination, cuz mama needs the de-knotting, but mama also needs the love.  As is the norm, it hurt so good and gave me results!  My range of motion in my neck is significantly better, my shoulder blades feel as if a thousand little strings keeping them taut have been cut, and I feel less physically tense overall.  These muscles have been working like dogs lately, so they needed some relief.  My neck is still a little tender from the work the masseuse did there, though, and oddly, my hip is all weird!  It feels like my legs are suddenly two different lengths.  The masseuse did say as she was massaging my hip that there was a lot of tightness there, and she spent a lot of time releasing some trigger points, but it’s kind of strange I would still have this feeling a few days later.  (I know, boo hoo, my indulgent spa treatment gave me an ouchie.  I am to be massively pitied.)  Ah, well, it’ll pass one way or another.

Unrelatedly but in a similar vein, I have become SO DEPENDENT on my Vivo Fit.  I don’t even like the little thing.  It’s like my own personal Jiminy Cricket, but less gross and more annoying.  Every time that cursed red arrow starts filling the screen, I kind of want to rip the damn thing off my arm and throw it through a wall.  Then again, I don’t know where I would be without it. It’s been crucial to my success.  The constant, albeit irritating, reminders to get off my duff and move around have been key not just to my physical improvements, but also my mental ones (future post to come on this).  Beyond that, it was the inspiration for the very first non-scale goal I set for myself:  200 miles in June.  (As of bed time last night, I was only 62 miles away from realizing that goal.  I’m gonna scorch that number, and I can’t wait.)  Even on the days where I haven’t made it to the gym, I have gone to slightly maniacal lengths to ensure that I at least get all my steps in — and Jiminy is always moving the bar higher for that, the little bastard.  In all seriousness, though, this technology owns me.  Thank you, Vivo Fit, for keeping me committed and for keeping me moving.  Best post-holidays impulse purchase I ever made.  Wireless blu-ray player, eat your heart out.

To conclude this woe-is-me jam, I offer this parting lament: all my clothes are too big (waaah!) and I keep having to buy new ones (pobrecita!).  I put my cell phone in my pants pocket at work last week, and then my pants FELL OFF.  Luckily, no one saw that happen, or they would have seen my saggy underwear about to do the same.  (Do you need a tissue to wipe away those tears of pity?)  Yesterday, I found an oh-honey pair of pants that were too small when I bought them last spring, and had completely forgotten about.  I put them on all excitedly, and they wouldn’t stay up on my hips.  (Sob!)  I know, I know, this sounds like backdoor bragging, and I guess it is, but I am also actually running out of money to support this healthiness habit I developed to replace stuffing my face and being inert.  I’m gonna need my Diet Bets to pay out right quick, because my last paycheck went to Ann Taylor Loft and my landlady may have an expectation of receiving rent from me this month.  Although, if worse comes to worst, I guess I could always take up residence in some of the old tents I used to pass off as clothes.

OK, reader, you’ve suffered enough of me.  I’m gonna go cry myself to sleep.

😉