Tag Archives: running

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NEW DAY 151: Milestones update

Today was unintentionally awesome.

I had a new DietBet to weigh in for, and a gym session planned for later, so I figured I’d get into my workout clothes and do the weigh-in right before it was time to head out. With my weigh-ins under more scrutiny these days, I wanted to make sure what I was wearing wasn’t too baggy. Since all of my go-to tops are laughably loose these days, I went into my workout shirts drawer and found a top that I remember fitting when I was last around my current weight many moons ago, although it seemed unlikely to fit when I held it up in front of me. I tried it on, and… to my complete and total shock, it not only fit, but it was also roomy! This top is more hanging off me than I am wearing it. I think that has to do with the way my weight loss has been working this time around: my shoulders narrowed at a much greater clip than the rest of my torso, so tops are a bit of a challenge right now. Work-out tops in particular tend to slide off my shoulders and feel flowy around my midsection, while somehow still also kind of fitting in that area. It’s tough to explain, but suffice it to say, nothing really fits at the moment. Anyway, even with that all going on, it was a fabulous surprise to have blazed right through the time when that top would have mostly fit, and right into looseness. I’ll wear it until it, too, becomes an almost-dress. (And good news: my DB weigh-in was accepted. Two more video weigh-ins to go!)

Then, it was off to the gym. Today’s workout in my half marathon training plan was scheduled to be cross-training, so I went to my old friend, the elliptical. I don’t know what had me all fired up, but I was immediately hitting the pace that it usually takes me the first 20-30 minutes to work up to — and I sustained or exceeded it for the entire time. Now, when I say “the entire time”, that wound up being far more than the 45-60 minutes I’d budgeted, because I had one of my classic evil elliptical thoughts within the first 5 minutes. And I fulfilled that evil thought by making today, the day I broke 8 miles.

To add some personal WOW to that, I notched those 8(.02, to be exact) miles in 76 minutes, which is a 9:29 pace. This is a personal best pace, elapsed time, AND distance.

I have never run a 10-minute mile on flat land, let alone under 10 minutes. As I am discovering through my treadmill trainings to work up to half-marathon-level endurance, what happens on the elliptical has virtually no bearing on what happens on an actual surface: the motion is different, the muscle coordination is distinct, and speed does not translate at all. Even with all that being true, it’s a BFD that I did this. That I can do this. Because 5 months ago, I couldn’t even keep the elliptical moving — at any speed — for 5 minutes, let alone 5 miles — or 8. I’m only now working up to sustain a full mile-run in one go on the treadmill. But my elliptical history tells me that when the half marathon is almost upon us 5 months from now, I’ll be ready for it.

The type of run I do on the elliptical may be dissimilar from the type of run I do on the treadmill, but the perseverance, self-coaching, and physical stamina apply across all types of fitness training. The beginning was slow on the elliptical, and I approached it intentionally and methodically, knowing it would take whatever time it would take. The result? I couldn’t hit a full mile for a while, and I unfortunately wasn’t recording these milestones yet — but I got there in a few hard-earned weeks. And then, it wasn’t long until I hit 2.
I hit 3.5 — breaking 3 for the first time — on August 19th, which was 2 months after I started my NEW DAYS.
I broke 4 just 2 weeks later, on September 2nd.
My goal at the time was to break 5 by the end of this year. Instead, I did it on September 19th.
Then I broke 6 later that same week, on the 23rd.
I thought that’d be plenty; I’d proven my point.
But then, on October 28th, I hit 7 — just a little over a month later.
And now, just under 3 weeks beyond that, 8.

Progress has a way of being self-perpetuating and exponential. I had no plan for hitting a certain mileage on the elliptical, and certainly no targeted date for doing it. I let the rhythm carry me, responded to my bursts of energy, and was realistic about checking in with my body and its radical ideas about taking me farther and faster. It hasn’t steered me wrong yet.

While I do have a training plan for running the halfer, I am still being agile and adjusting as necessary. I’ve already ratcheted things up a little here in the first week of training, but not in any kind of unrealistic or unsustainable way. It will still take me a while to be able to run an uninterrupted mile, and the pace will be unimpressive; but I’ll get there.
And then, it won’t be long until I hit 2.
Then 3.
Then 13.1.

I didn’t think I’d be genuinely excited about training for a half marathon, but… I am genuinely excited about training for a half marathon.

I missed the 50-day milestones update yesterday, so I’ll rattle off a few here:

  • Since February 20th, I have lost 80.4 lbs.
  • Since June 18th (the start of NEW DAYS), I have lost 60.8 of those lbs.
  • I’ve gone from being able to run barely 5 minutes, to 76 minutes (on the elliptical).
  • I’ve dropped from a snug 26 pants size, to a loose 18.
  • I’ve gone down 2 underwear sizes and 1 sports bra size.
  • I’ve dropped from a 3X shirt size to — depending on the manufacturer — L or XL.

But the most exciting stat is unquantifiable: I feel better. Actually better. In every way a person can feel any kind of way.

My theme for this chapter of my life is Reclaim. I am nowhere close to being done, but I am so proud of how well I’ve done with honoring that theme without wavering for the past 5 months.

I actually truly believe I can do this. I can see myself crossing the literal half marathon finish line, and the figurative finish line of this mission I have set for myself to reach a healthy size. It’s just… incredible. It’s a feeling I’ve never had before, and it has me absolutely floored. I don’t know what to do with it.

So I’ll just keep going.

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NEW DAY 146: Too fast?

Last week, when I was weighing out for a Kickstarter, I got an email from DietBet saying that their algorithm had “flagged [my] account due to unusual weight loss patterns.” At first, I was kind of offended. How dare they impugn my integrity! Then I paused and realized… yeah, dropping 45 pounds in 3 months is a reasonable thing to raise a non-sentient eyebrow over. And that’s only the weight loss they can see; from late February to the time of my composing this sentence, I’ve actually lost 80.4 lbs.

It made me step back and ask myself if I’m doing this right. I’ve been operating from a standpoint of prioritizing mental health, and treating the weight loss as secondary (although actively encouraged). Is it healthy to see this kind of change this quickly? My Transformer progress chart, updated as of this morning’s weigh-in for round 3, is pretty staggering. If my weight loss continues at this clip, I could lose more than 30% of my body weight within the DB’s 6-month window and wind up disqualified from winning. I crunched, re-crunched, and even snap-crackle-popped the numbers because I couldn’t believe it — but it’s a very real possibility unless I slow down. (I know you can’t see any pounds in my screenshot, but you don’t need them to understand what’s going on here. For reference, the final 2 diamond points on the chart represent the overall target goal of -10% of my starting weight. I am well below that line already, and we’re only halfway through as of this moment.)

The answer to that question is yes. I have not done anything unhealthy in service of my goals. I have prioritized my exercise time and treated it as sacrosanct. I have honored my nutritional needs so that I am fueling my body, not poisoning it. I have been cognizant of getting proper rest and enough sleep so that I don’t tear myself down. I am taking in enough calories and macros. I am not engaging in obsessive behaviors with the scale or at the gym. And very importantly, I do not have any disordered eating habits pointing to bulimia or anorexia.

The biggest change I’ve made is quitting sugar. Rapid weight loss is what happens when you quit sugar after a lifetime of ingesting every crystal of it in sight. Period, the end.

I expect my weight loss will slow, and it will be maddening when that happens — this quick progression has spoiled me. I don’t mean to suggest it hasn’t come with effort on my part; it certainly has. It’s very difficult to cut out sugar entirely, and it takes me a lot of time to meal prep every week even with just trying to keep my sugar intake low rather than zero. I spend a good amount of time each week on physical activity, too. But as the truism goes, you can’t outrun a bad diet. Never has my body been so grateful as it has these past few months that I’ve let it detox from the white stuff. I’d choose this feeling over a decadent dessert any time, every time, over and over again.

So I feel ok that I now have to submit to an extra level of scrutiny during my DietBet weight checks until they remove the flag on my account. It turns out that it’s not any more annoying to record a video of myself getting on the scale than it is to take 2 still photos. In fact, I may actually prefer the video method. It’s hard to complain when my body is this happy.

Over the weekend, I had two other affirming experiences that underscore the positive ways my body is reflecting the changes I’m making. First, I had a haircut on Saturday — my first since the very first week of this whole NEW DAY chapter of my life. My stylist, not having seen me since 58 pounds ago, not only remarked on how great she thought I looked and nearly jumped out of her skin when I answered her question about how much I’d lost, but she also said my hair looks healthier than ever. It’s gotten a little thicker and is growing more quickly. That’s not something I expected to be possible after a certain age, but she couldn’t get over the difference.

The other experience was going for reflexology massages with a friend. We were unexpectedly made to strip down to the waist when it was time for the deep tissue massage, which we were having done in the same room. In the past, I would have lobbied to keep my clothes on, thankyouverymuch. Not this time. Bye bye, shirt and bra. It’s not exactly a smoke show under there, but it’s not a paralyzing source of shame in front of a bunch of other women anymore. And hey, I have had so much relief from that massage in the days since: greater range of motion in my neck, no stiffness in my ankles in the mornings, less soreness in my shoulders. Worth it.

I also found 2 pairs of pants on clearance over the weekend which were a size down, but I bought them anyway because I keep pantsing myself when I walk. My best estimate was I’d be about 2-3 weeks out from wearing either of them, and I’d fill the gap with skirts and dresses (brrr!) until then.

About an hour ago, I tried one of the pairs on.

They fit.

I cried.

Happy body, happy tears. And none too soon.

Last night was the first night of my half marathon training. It went well, but this is gonna suuuuuuuck.

I came right home and officially registered for the event.

I can’t wait. 😁

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NEW DAY 132: For seven’s sake

I hit 7 miles on the elliptical tonight. 7.18 miles, to be exact — in an hour and ten minutes.

This wasn’t planned until my “what if” voice spoke up somewhere between miles 2 and 3. And then I did it.

My legs are already feeling it, but after a MUCH needed stretch of rest days after 75 Hard, it felt phenomenal to let my body do this.

For those keeping score, 7 miles is more than half the distance of a 13.1-mile half marathon. So.

I guess this is happening…!

AAAAAAAAAAH, WHAT?!

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NEW DAY 93 Five point two two

I broke 5 miles on the elliptical tonight. In one hour, I ran 5.22 miles.

I haven’t done that since 2017.

Truthfully, I didn’t know if I would ever be able to do it again until recently. But tonight, I decided I wanted to do it. And then I did it.

At 4.25 miles, I knew I was going to do it — and I almost started crying right there on the machine.

But I didn’t. I just kept running.

It felt INCREDIBLE to hit 5 miles again all these years later, all this weight — physical and emotional — heavier, all these years older. But part of why I knew I could do it tonight is that I’d done it before. Even being still sick and fairly worn out from a long week, I knew I could do it.

When the day comes that I can breach new territory and do 6 miles, I will cry. It will be the happiest I’ve ever been on the elliptical.

For now, that honor belongs to tonight.

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NEW DAY 80: Label it

In a past weight loss life, I did a few rounds of the Whole 30 diet. One of my favorite foods and staples each time was Aidell’s chicken and apple breakfast sausage, because it had zero added sugar. In my current tango with 75 Hard, I’ve been looking for reliable sugarless foods I can easily incorporate as the healthy eating part of my challenging. My meal plan for next week’s breakfast included those sausages. So imagine my shock when I flipped a package of them over in my hand when I was grocery shopping this morning and discovered they now contain 2g of added sugar! 😱

I’ve had the Aidell’s sausages many times since I last did Whole 30; they’re delicious and simple to make. I have also checked those labels in the time since and am certain that they remained free of added sugar until as recently as earlier this year. When did this happen?!

Needless to say, I dropped the Aidell’s like it was hot and was fortunately able to find a different brand of chicken breakfast sausage that did have no sugar added. I’m so glad I thought to confirm the nutrition facts on the package before throwing it into my bag! Simultaneously, I’m so disappointed about this change. Granted, 2 grams of added sugar is negligible in most cases, but zero added sugar means ZERO added sugar. Close call — phew!

I am on day 28 of 75 Hard and holding strong. I did all of my meal prep for the upcoming week today after my grocery run, and my second workout of the day was a walk/dance in the lightly falling rain. I’m feeling so good about having the energy to get through everything I’ve planned and then some each day, and to know that I’m taking good care of myself.

I’m also becoming more invested in this half marathon idea. On Thursday night, I put together a training plan of 25 weeks that would begin in early November. My plan right now is to complete 75 Hard, start a less-rigorous workout routine (twice a day is simply not sustainable forever) and allow my body to adapt to things like weight training and rest days, then begin the program. I built it from a great deal of research, combining elements of plans designed by a couple of sources and creating something that will meet me where I’m at to start and allow me to work my way up in a gradual yet demanding fashion. I’m actually looking forward to this! It’s going to be incredibly tough — I am NOT a runner, nor am I built like one — but I want to trust my body to rise to the challenge and level up in fitness. 75 Hard is definitely greasing the wheels for it, too: I’ll have lost a helpful amount of weight by the time early November rolls around, which will make it easier on my joints to adapt to running.

This is a lot of change in just a few short months. The person I was at the beginning of this year would never believe what she would be capable of a little later that year — and in spite of the shitty things that would happen to her before that.

Doing this will avenge her. If I could, I would hug her and tell her she’ll be OK. And if she could, she’d high five me and tell me to go prove our point.

What a team 🙂

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NEW DAY 77: Steptember

I broke 4 miles on the elliptical yesterday. Four miles in 49 minutes. It felt amazing.

Today, I wore heels during the day for the first time in more than 5 years. I had the additional delight of discovering that a pair of pants I bought and only barely fit a little more than 3 weeks ago, can now be raised and lowered without unbuttoning or unzipping them.

I’m currently playing in 4 DietBets (3 Kickstarters and a Transformer). I’m happy to say I’ve already won 2 of the Kickstarters with more than a week left to play, and same for round 1 of the Transformer — they all end around the same time. The 3rd Kickstarter just started yesterday, so I’m only beginning that one, but I believe I’ll crush it.

All of this evidence of progress and little triumphs have been affirming, encouraging, and rewarding. However, when I turn my attention to life beyond 75 Hard, I feel a little concern about what could happen in the absence of a next Thing. With my recent half marathon thoughts and goal of hitting 5 elliptical miles in under an hour by the end of 75 Hard, I’ve realized it may even be tricky to stay engaged as 75 Hard and its twice daily workouts drag on and threaten to become dull and monotonous. I’ll need to find ways to keep things interesting and challenging in the right ways that force me to stay on track with stretch targets. And thus Steptember was born.

Of course, priority #1 is getting through this full month of 75 Hard and not missing any part of the checklist. That feels pretty set. But I also want to work towards my goal of (safely) running 5 elliptical miles in one go and increasing my normal walking speed to around 3.2 mph, which I’m respectively working on with the help of the elliptical and the treadmill. I’m also going to start incorporating upper body strength training this month focusing on core and arms exercises.

I haven’t finalized my formal plan for this yet, but it felt important to add new steps — as I’m getting in my daily literal steps — to my process right now. Without being smart about building up to new phases, I know I will set myself up for boredom-induced failure

Let’s go, Steptember!

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NEW DAY 71: I’ve been thinking…


The past 3 days of 75 Hard have proven far more difficult than expected thanks to some very uncomfortable menstrual complications. In an effort to recast my misery into some form of positives to focus on, I’ve landed in potentially dangerous territory.

Here’s what happened.

I reminded myself how lucky the timing was with my hybrid work schedule, so that my peak suffering days have been wfh and, fortunately, not onsite.

This triggered the memory of the fortuitous timing of how I landed the job in the first place. If not for the exercise and weight loss starting when they did, I wouldn’t have had the confidence — or anything interview-appropriate to wear — while moving through the hiring process. If not for the precipitating chaos that led me to snap into action, I never would have started. If not for… I mean, just how far back do I take this?

It got me stuck in a loop of replaying key moments from the past few months and examining the importance of when they happened. What if the timing had been slightly different? What if just one of the things that led to another, hadn’t happened at all? Where would I be today? How would I be?

And while in this dubiously philosophical pseudo-meditation, a lightning bolt struck: what if I trained for the next city half marathon?

Uh…

Here I am, only 19 days through 75 Hard, and entertaining the possibility of running 13.1 miles just 8 months from now. Ummm, excuse me, me! I would like a word!

That word: HUH?! 😲

One of my coworkers mentioned the other day that she signed up for the halfer on a whim after her doctor told her to get more exercise. Most people would start taking causal walks; this absolute legend decided that the appropriate response was to go from never having run a single mile, to conditioning herself to run half a marathon’s worth in less than a year. And evidently, this airborne insanity has infected me.

But will I actually do it?

Honestly… I might.

Rationality says to make it through the rest of the current challenge I’m just barely 1/4 through before leaping off the next cliff.

Dubiously philosophical pseudo-meditation says that this seed was planted at this time for a reason, and I might as well start training even if I don’t want to take the step of registering for the event right away. After all, I have two guaranteed dedicated workouts a day for at least the next 56 days. Why not incorporate training into those slots?

I’ve found several feasible training programs ranging from 12 weeks to 20 weeks to 6 months. If I started training in September, that would give me 8 full months to coach myself up to half-marathon shape — and be a longer term goal that would have the additional benefit of keeping me focused on movement during the winter months.

There’s a good chance this is happening. Stay tuned.

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NEW DAY 61: Challenge stacking

Hello from day 9 of 75 Hard! I have officially endured the downside of the mandatory outdoor workouts when a thunderstorm with torrential rain rolled in a few minutes into mine yesterday afternoon. It was tragically mistimed, but you know, it was actually not the worst. Granted, I could hardly see or hear my little YouTube instructor from my phone screen that was safely within the shelter of the garage while I was being soaked, but the rain and wind felt nice — certainly a refreshing change from the usual punishing sun and resulting sweat. Rite of passage, check.

Yesterday morning’s (indoor) workout was the hard one. I’ve been trying to add 5 minutes to my elliptical sprints each week, and this week’s time is 35 minutes. I got to minute 20 and the internal whining began. I coaxed and coached myself along, minute by minute, to the finish — and I got there. And now there will be no future resistance, because the jig is up, Self!

I have been slipping into the bad habit of checking the scale every day, so my challenge this week will be not to look at it again until Sunday. That seems like it should be easy compared to the rest of the challenging things I have going on these days, but it’s a real test of will for me right now!

And on that dubiously suspenseful note… ✌️

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NEW DAY 33: Just keep moving

My last two workouts have been tough.

Friday was a real struggle. Not even running as fast as I can/normally do, I started feeling almost queasy with 10 minutes left to go. I powered through it — it took every ounce of mental strength and focus that I had, and I kept going. I did it so I could say I did it, so: I DID IT. I’m proud of myself for getting through that, but it felt rough throughout and for a while after. It left me feeling so icky that I skipped a Sunday workout to try to respond to the message my body seemed to be sending me.

Yesterday, I decided I’d do a 60-minute treadmill walk rather than an elliptical run. At the 50-minute mark, I realized I had a massive blister forming on the ball of my right foot that already hurt and was a big enough bubble that it was making my steps weird, and that was causing discomfort in my hip. I had to stop myself 10 minutes shy of the time I’d wanted to hit. (Luckily, my at-home blister remedies have been effective and the thing is already flat and painless.)

In the interim, I discovered that the cut on my knee has gotten infected. Yay! (I’m treating it now, and I think it’s responding.)

But you know what? It’s not all bad news.

At dinner with a friend on Saturday night, he asked: “Are you losing weight?” I said yes, and I was surprised he could tell. He said it was noticeable in my face.

That’s step 1! Next up: neck and shoulders.

I signed up for a DietBet earlier this month. It was already a week underway when I decided to join, which means I had 25% less time to lose the same 4% of body weight that I would have had if I’d joined at the start date of the game. The weigh-out was today.

I won by 1/2 pound.

It’s working.

**exhale**

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NEW DAY 15: It’s aliiiiiiiiiiive!

Forgive me, blog, for I have sinned. It has been **checks notes** 7 years (🤯) since my last post.

Every spring, I have to decide whether to renew the annual cost of owning this domain name. Every year since 2018, I have come very close to hitting cancel. It’s only out of sheer laziness that I haven’t. I finally figured that I’m paying for this thing — I might as well use it. There’s plenty to write, and if all goes well, there will be plenty more.

To say it’s been a strange ride since I last wrote in here would be a laughable understatement. To try to do any kind of meaningful actual update on those intervening years would be equally ridiculous. So I’m picking up here at this time code without concern for what was missed in the fast forward. The plot had its twists and turns, but the ending is still on its way and TBD by plenty of other factors.

What I will say about the time since February 2018 is that it can be characterized by a few choice words. The one rolling around in my mind right now is “almost.” I came close to realizing a lot of my priorities. Some of them, I did realize, only to see them crumble.

Frustrating. Sad. Wasteful.

In the past now.

This year has been particularly challenging, in a way that no year since 2018 has been — not even those pandemic years. I’ve been staggering through events in my personal life that have toppled the structure I had built atop what I believed to be a sturdy foundation, and which have left me questioning core pieces of my worldview. Everything about this time has been erratic. I’ve been emotionally volatile, my energy has been virtually non-existent from the simmering anger and sadness always coursing through me, I have been getting nowhere near enough socialization, my eating/sleeping/activity/bathing/general adulting habits have been all over the place; there has been no routine to speak of.

I’ve felt wronged, insulted, tarnished, judged, abandoned, unimportant, forgotten, betrayed, mistreated, and rejected.

I’ve felt stressed, alone, scared, confused, hurt, angry, stupid, hopeless, devastated, nervous, useless, mournful, and exhausted.

I thought more than once about giving up entirely.

I knew incorporating exercise into my life would make a difference. When I think of the time in my life when I was most emotionally, psychologically, and physically healthy, it was when I was disciplined around being physically active. The two-pronged problem standing in my way for months was a total lack of motivation alongside deep apathy.

Then one day — if you’ll forgive the facile, cryptic, and highly suspect jump cut (again) — everything in the space around me was suddenly batshit crazy. That’s coming from someone who was pretty sure she was the dictionary definition of crazy at this point, so to see that things around me had out-crazied me to the batshit level was… something. The abrupt intensity filled me with a new kind of restlessness that was frenetic, and HAD to be released before I exploded into a million pieces. And so I found myself back at the gym for the first time in years.

For the past two weeks, I have been sticking with my plans and commitments to self to prioritize my overall health.
I am running again.
I am preparing thoughtful meals for myself and not consuming meals from restaurants again.
I am managing my finances responsibly again.
I am writing to detangle my thoughts again.
I am making an effort to keep a social life again.
I am getting out of bed in the morning again.

I am trying again.

**deep breath**