NEW DAY 69: Whining and dining

Greetings from the end of 75 Hard, day 17! Somehow, I’m more than 20% of the way through this wild ride — and it hasn’t been too difficult. Once I got past the horror that was day 4, fitting the components of the challenge into my routine became fairly straightforward. Some days are a bit more challenging than others in terms of finding the time for two 45-minute workouts spaced at least 3 hours apart, but the actual nuts and bolts of the requirements have been easy to stick to.

The one thing that has been tricky is the food scene. Since my chosen dietary plan to follow is no added sugar, my options outside of meals I prepare for myself are severely limited; sugar lurks in virtually every packaged item in some form or another, and in a disturbingly high volume of restaurant dishes. Twice over the weekend, I ran into trouble: once with a home-cooked meal at my parents’ house, and again ordering out at an Italian place. I had to check the labels of the ingredients my mom used in what she made — and found that I couldn’t eat one thing because it contained some added sugar, albeit <1% of what was in the container. At the restaurant, everything was either cooked in wine or almost definitely full of sugar. There was precisely one item I could safely order, so that decision was made for me. Luckily it was something I like!

This part of 75 Hard has been tough not because I want sugar, but because I don’t want sugar — and it’s in everything. At no point have I struggled with a choice, been tempted to stray from my plan, or so much as craved anything sweet; I’ve simply been unable to find good options. If that doesn’t speak volumes about American food…!

I’m not willing to be a social monk until October 24th, so occasional meals out are going to be risky for the duration. I know how to avoid the pitfalls and what the reliably safe selections are, but I still feel the frustration of having it be so difficult in the first place. Sugar is overused, and it’s so bad for us. In the 2.5 weeks I’ve been entirely (added) sugar free, my skin has become wonderfully smooth, clear, and soft. My energy levels have been more consistent and crashless. My sleep has improved by leaps and bounds. Food has tasted better. I’ve felt overall great. This is not a coincidence. It may not be entirely attributable to the dietary change, but it’s certainly largely — if not primarily — thanks to the lack of sugar I’ve been consuming.

So, while I expect that navigating the away-from-home meals landscape will continue to be a thorn in my side, I’m constantly seeing evidence of how healthy this choice of food plan is. It’s not an easy commitment, but I’m glad I made it.

NEW DAY 61: Challenge stacking

Hello from day 9 of 75 Hard! I have officially endured the downside of the mandatory outdoor workouts when a thunderstorm with torrential rain rolled in a few minutes into mine yesterday afternoon. It was tragically mistimed, but you know, it was actually not the worst. Granted, I could hardly see or hear my little YouTube instructor from my phone screen that was safely within the shelter of the garage while I was being soaked, but the rain and wind felt nice — certainly a refreshing change from the usual punishing sun and resulting sweat. Rite of passage, check.

Yesterday morning’s (indoor) workout was the hard one. I’ve been trying to add 5 minutes to my elliptical sprints each week, and this week’s time is 35 minutes. I got to minute 20 and the internal whining began. I coaxed and coached myself along, minute by minute, to the finish — and I got there. And now there will be no future resistance, because the jig is up, Self!

I have been slipping into the bad habit of checking the scale every day, so my challenge this week will be not to look at it again until Sunday. That seems like it should be easy compared to the rest of the challenging things I have going on these days, but it’s a real test of will for me right now!

And on that dubiously suspenseful note… ✌️

NEW DAY 60: Seeing is believing

Another metric is in: restaurant booths.

The last time I went to a certain fast casual chain was July 4th, which was about 6 weeks ago. I had been doing my frantic gym sessions and abrupt sugar detox for roughly 3 weeks at that point, so not much had noticeably changed for me physically yet. On July 4th, I struggled to squeeze into the restaurant booth and my body was touching both the back of the bench and the table throughout the meal — a reality I’d become all to familiar with, in spite of the discomfort.

Fast forward to yesterday when I returned to the scene of the ongoing crime. Several inches separated me from the edge of the table. I can comfortably fit into a booth again.

I had noticed the gradual changes over these past few weeks: more space between my belly and the steering wheel when I drive; less incidental contact with things like walls and furniture; roomier workout shirts; getting into tops that haven’t fit in several years. While my drops in weight haven’t been monumental, the slow slimming down of my figure has. In addition to fat, I was surely carrying a lot of bloat that has finally taken a hike.

I am falling into the trap of feeling frustrated that the number on the scale doesn’t seem to fully match what I’m observing off of it, and I’m trying to temper that as I continue my progress. I will say that the pounds lost aren’t obsessing me the way they used to in previous iterations of this. That tells me this is the healthiest approach I have ever had to getting healthy.

That beats every other metric, every time.

NEW DAY 56: They don’t call it 75 Easy

It’s day 4 of 75 Hard, and boyyyyyy, is it ever! I linked to the rules in my previous post, but here’s the rap down of what I will be doing every day for the next 75 71:

  • Taking a daily full-body progress selfie (for my eyes only)
  • Reading at least 10 pages of a non-fiction book in the vein of self-improvement
  • Drinking 1 gallon (4 litres) of water
  • Not consuming any alcohol
  • Picking a diet to follow and not straying AT ALL (I’m doing 0 added sugar)
  • Working out twice per day for at least 45 minutes each time, 3 hours minimum apart — and one session has to be outdoors, rain or shine

As with Whole 30, these rules are iron clad and the regimen is as strict as it gets. If you fail in any of these components for a given day, you have failed the challenge. If you want to continue, you have to start all over from the very beginning.

It’s mostly carving out the time for all the things plus 2 workouts per day that is throwing me. I’ve been making it work, but it’s been tricky. My body is tired. I have no temptation to give up, but the mental fortitude required to keep going is no joke!

I’ve joined 3 DietBets this week, so I’ ve had a peek at the scale for my weigh-ins. I’m down another couple of pounds since starting 75 Hard. The cool part is that I can actually feel and see it now. Crazy how a couple of pounds can be what it takes to make all the progress suddenly show up! I’m participating in this challenge primarily for psychological soundness reasons, but won’t pretend I’m not excited about the weight loss I’m anticipating by the end.

It feels so good to start believing in myself again.

NEW DAY 52: Vacation (all I ever wanted)

I got home yesterday from 2 weeks of traveling. I saw new places with familiar faces, spent a lot of time outdoors, and truly got away from things that I needed an escape from. I am back feeling recharged and still committed to healthy living. I actually missed the gym while I was away — and I continued to have no interest in tasty treats. The scale rewarded my consistency with a 4-lb loss.

Part of my travels was with a friend I hadn’t seen in a decade. In the time since, she has become very outdoorsy and athletic: she’s an avid hiker, jogger, and rock climber. When I say she’s athletic, I mean she’s climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. Recently. (Yeah, that’s right, my people are freakin’ cool.) So uh, I did have some concerns about whether I’d be able to keep up with her while we were roaming around our leg of the trip. I’m not saying I was matching her pace, but I was matching her energy level, and I wasn’t all out of breath and incapable of doing the things we wanted to do because I was too overweight and out of shape. Of all the high points of my trip — which was made up of almost exclusively high points — this is the one I may be happiest about.

I took myself on a bucket-list trip to Australia back in October for my birthday. I had always wanted to make that trip, but hesitated not only because of the expense and the fact that it would be a solo trek, but perhaps most of all because I knew there would be things that my size and (lack of) fitness would preclude me from doing, which I would have wanted to do. Sure enough, there were activities I had to opt out of for those reasons. The things I did do, I found took a lot longer for me to do and required a lot more energy to do than they should have. It was perhaps the worst shape I’ve ever been in on a trip like that, which is regrettable. I’m still glad I went, but I can’t pretend I feel no disappointment from the overall experience. I look forward to going back on a redemption trip there at some future point.

Come Monday, my daily routine will be changing and I’ll have to figure out how to reconfigure my schedule to include exercise time. I’m beginning 75 Hard with the friend who knows about this blog (hi!) tomorrow on something of a whim (for me), so I’m really locking in some hardcore stuff to take shape over the next 2.5 months! It seems like fortuitous timing to sync with my return from vacation and pivot into a new chapter with the start of a new job on Monday. Someone remind me on day 23 that I did this to myself. 🙃

That about covers it for now, but I trust there will be a lot of content in the coming 75 days or so!

NEW DAY 26: Round and round

I upped my elliptical time to 25 straight minutes today. I’m inching closer and closer to my old normal 35 minutes — though that was HIIT. I’m hopefully building back to being able to do that again.

I didn’t feel that tired during that run. I could have kept going. But I wanted to pace myself and move up the time incrementally week to week, so that if I can’t repeat longer than 25 minutes tomorrow, I’m not cursing myself. Also…

My knee hurts.

What the heck?

I fell 5 days ago, and now my knee decides to start complaining? Knee, who raised you?!

It’s not the worst pain; it’s bruised and colorful, probably a little inflamed, but not really affecting my life in general. I hope it flares right back down soon. All the concern about protecting my ankle, and I didn’t factor in that my knee could become the problem child. I really don’t want to overdo it and have a situation on my hands legs, so I’ll have to be careful while still trying to build my stamina back up and get my burns in.

It’s supposed to be lousy, stormy weather most of this week, so there’ll be only indoor workouts. Here’s hoping no body aches, pains, or whines get in the way — and that no current ones get worse!

In other news, I’m still somehow feeling zero interest or temptation in what have long been my trigger foods. This still greatly perplexes me, but I’m gonna appreciate it and ride the wave as long as I can. I feel oddly guilty, like I’m getting away with something for not having to struggle with this like I used to (and like most people do), but I accept this gift from the fitness gods with open arms. I’ll keep going through the motions and hope the improved mental health, emotional control, and physical improvements continue to follow.

NEW DAY 21: Walked right into that one

I have never been the most coordinated person. The number of times I’ve gotten unprovoked injuries from toppling over while just standing there is laughable — literally, I have learned to laugh at myself. Mind you, I tend to be just fine when doing something you’d expect injury from, like using tools or carrying heavy things around. It’s solely when it makes zero sense for someone to get hurt, that I get hurt.

Today was the first break in a long string of days that were well above 90F, so I decided to take a nice, long walk outside and benefit from the fresh air. I spent an hour marching through a well-maintained trail, part of which is paved, and taking in the sun and air on my skin. Then at the end, walking down a ramp to the parking lot and within the last 20 or so steps to my car, I went down. Just dropped like a rag doll. I realized on my way down that my ankle had given out, and once I was satisfied from my new vantage point flat on my belly that I hadn’t done real damage to it, I sat up and took the rest of the inventory: profusely bleeding finger, scraped knee. Minor damage, and not sure I would even call it that. Luckily, no one saw my wipe-out! I got back up and cleaned my cuts with my first aid kit I keep in the car, and came home to shower the sunscreen, sweat, dirt, and blood away.

Battle scars. Something to show for the trudge through hazy humidity.

I’m fine. Not even my pride is hurt.

Let’s go!

NEW DAY 18: Mind over what’s the matter

Apparently I’m in a phase where it I can easily be triggered into anxious feelings. I had a wave of it yesterday that caught me off guard while trying to focus on something important. Today, I felt another coming on while reattempting the same thing.

I wanted to get out of my skin. It turns out that’s not a thing, so I did the next best one: I went to the gym.

I am not exactly in peak physical condition. In my fitness prime, I could go 5 miles on the elliptical without stopping, in well under an hour. The most I’ve been able to do in the past few weeks since I (re)started working out has been 10 not-fast minutes, getting me not-close to a single measly mile.

Today, I challenged myself: what if I could double that?

And then I did.

I can do 20 minutes. I could do 30. I could probably do 60. It wouldn’t be pretty — 20 wasn’t! — but I bet I could get myself there.

Another thing it wasn’t, was easy. Ho.ly.shit., the mental effort to keep going when I stopped wanting to around minute 12! But I pushed myself, because I didn’t want to feel that surge of disappointment for not doing what I had come there to do. I had something to prove. I had something I needed to do.

And I did it!

In 20 sweaty minutes, I ran 1.52 miles. I was consciously trying to keep my speed below 4.5 mph so I could make it the full time I wanted, and I had to rein myself in more than once. My legs have been sore from adjusting to returning to this type of movement after such a long hiatus, and they scream at me as soon as they feel the pedaling motion when I start the elliptical. They howled at me that entire time today, and they’ll probably be jelly tomorrow. But today, I felt powerful for turning my mental nerves into mental command, and exerting my mind over my body.
I was powerful.
I am powerful.

That feeling is unbeatable.

DAY 026: Tearing myself a new one

At some point last winter, I noticed a pain in my left bicep during certain normal movements.  Raising my arms in certain ways hurt, lifting certain things in certain ways hurt, and even certain light Zumba arm moves hurt.  It eventually became painful to sleep on my left side, which is my usual position.  The only thing I could conclude was that I had somehow torn a muscle.  Although I didn’t have any kind of scan done, my (new and less wonderful) doctor confirmed it when I saw her for the first time in May for a physical.

I’ve been doing independent weight training on my arms since I started this weight-loss party back in March 2015.  I have always been careful with controlling the motion of anything I lifted, taking it slow, and making sure the weight isn’t too much.  I somehow still managed to hurt myself pretty severely.  The best I can figure is that when I started doing arms again after enough of a hiatus to decrease my strength, I worked out as if I had never stopped and over-exerted my muscles when I should have ratcheted down the amount of weight I was lifting.  Muscles are built by a process of tearing and rebuilding, but when a tear comes from an injury, it’s not magically healed by a protein bar.  It needs to rest until it’s ready to work again.  You can’t rush it.

The doctor told me in May to stop with arms weights until my bicep was healed.  Foolishly, I gave it a week and then resumed my normal circuits in spite of the persistent pain.  The only reason I ended up stopping is because I abandoned health altogether when things got rough in the fall.

A year later, I’m finally healed.  I hit my arms circuit last night for the first time in several months.  I was a little tentative and ginger at the beginning of my workout, especially when it came to the exercises that really used to hurt when my muscle was damaged.  But you know what?  I feel good today.  I have the satisfying soreness from a good burn, but no pain.  Soreness is fine, but there should never be pain.  Got it.  No more being stupid.  But also… I forgive you, past self.

On Tuesday, I was chatting with a friend as we were leaving work together.  She asked, “Are you dieting?”  I said, “I’m eating right.”  She said, “Your face looks good.”

And that’s where it starts.

Hello, saddle.  It’s good to be back.

DAY 021: A woman’s right to chews

The recent days have been a blend of several non-scale victories and several non-scale fails.  A quick recap:

NSV:  I made it the full week between scheduled weigh-ins without sneaking a peak at the scale, which made seeing the loss today highly satisfying.

NSF:  I caved.  I had coffee this morning.  My sleep may or may not suffer, but I honestly can’t even say I’m that upset about the coffee.  This presents an interesting experiment opportunity at zero caloric expense.

NSV:  I chose moderately healthy options for my meal out on Thursday, last night, and this morning, and succeeded at staying within my calorie limit every day this week.

NSF:  My moderately healthy brunch choice this morning, it turns out, was actually not that healthy.  Nutrition calculators are wonderful and terrible at the same time — if only I had looked in the moment instead of after the fact!  It blew up more than half of my daily limit!

NSV:  I still stayed within limit today by severely adjusting my meal plan for the rest of the day.  Lunch was a banana, my PM snack was carrots, and my dinner was steamed broccoli.  It sounds extreme, especially on a day when I got a good cardio workout in, but you know what?  I’m not hungry!  This isht is working, y’all.

NSF:  I didn’t get to the gym all the days I should have this week.  I could have done more good if I had.

NSV:  I still hit my step goals every day this week, and I did still make it to the gym a few times.

NSF:  No more data — which means NSVs outnumber NSFs!

NSV:  I managed to fully prepare and portion out my meals for this week in spite of having company staying with me — a LOT of work and sore feet, but also highly satisfying!
The lesson for me here is that we have a right to choose what we chew, and we can even allow a few calorie-dense selections into the fray.  My Thursday and Saturday meals were both dinners this week, meaning I could budget my intake throughout the day and go into the meal knowing exactly how many nutritional points I had to play with once I had the menu in my hand.  That worked well.  Today, since my meal out was in the morning and of higher caloric value than either of my other meals out this week, it was more painstaking to stay under my limit because there was so much time left in the day.  But not only did I make it work without feeling deprived, I also felt more motivation to work out as a result.  I will keep my right to what chews I make because I know how to operate within the rules.

And my body knows it.  It shed 4.6 pounds this week.

That means I’m gonna crush those 4 new DietBets.  Ahhhh, this is more like it!

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It also means I’m at -7.8 pounds so far for the month, and solidly within reach of losing the 12 pounds I wanted to lose in January.  It’s going to take some hard work, but my 3 weeks of habit forming are now officially in the books.

Let’s rock.