I’m coming off of 2 successive nights of, to put it mildly, suboptimal sleep. Taken together, I’ve netted a cumulative single night’s worth of in twice that amount of time. I’m in the middle of a (self-conducted) multi-week experiment where I’m closely monitoring the variables that may be impacting my sleep and I’m very much anticipating the results, but until then, the erratic restfulness has me dragging ass.

Today was rough, but it was a prescribed Power 11 rest day that seemed well timed to help mitigate some of the fatigue from my sleep deficit. Instead of taking it easy, though, I racked up 5 (leisurely and spread-out) miles on the treadmill work station at the office today before coming home and completing a 15-minute core workout video.

It’s not just that I want to keep up my physical activity.
It’s not just that consistency matters more on high-exhaustion, low-energy days.
It’s not just that restoration comes in many different forms, including an alternative type of movement.
It’s that this is what my body told me it needed today.

Counterintuitive? Sure.
But I spent decades ignoring my biological and physiological signals. My body is working hard for me, and it deserves better care than a return to that nonsense.

Crucially, yes: I am physically depleted. My eyelids feel like they weigh 10 pounds each, almost every part of me is sore, and I have spent the day having elaborate fantasies about my pillow. I am T.I.R.E.D.
And yet…
I am not tired of this.

Taking care of myself, noticing changes in the mirror, feeling new muscles and shapes emerging from my physique, fitting into new (old) outfits, effortlessly moving in ways that were impossible 6 months ago, nourishing myself properly, and caring enough to do things like track my behaviors so I can repair my disrupted sleep? It’s work. It takes time, focus, commitment, and thought.

And I choose it every day — thousands of times a day — because it matters. Right now, nothing matters more.

True exhaustion was being twice the size I should be and still having to participate in life like a fully functional, healthy person. This right here is a bump on the road to regulation. Healing isn’t linear. Recovery isn’t smooth. Change isn’t straightforward. This is messy.

So I know it’s working.

Rest days will fall by the wayside. Sleepless nights will strike. I can handle that; I know how to care for myself now.

But I will not go back there. I will never return to true exhaustion.