For this entry only, I am ditching my usual format of numbering the days because, well, that saga is over. To put it better, that chapter of the seemingly never-ending mission has closed.
I can’t believe that at this time in 2016, I was getting ready to weigh in at under 200 pounds for the first time since college. I made it to that milestone, but lost my way in the middle of that year, and then, between a series of fits and starts and flirtations with getting back on the healthy track, I just surrendered at the end of last summer. It was one too many punches in my ever-expanding gut, and I couldn’t be bothered. Last year — OOOH, that feels good to put 2017 in the past! — pinned me to the mat and I quit trying to get up.
I steered into the skid so hard, I can’t believe what the scale told me when I forced myself to get on it today. By rights, I really should have gained a metric fuck-ton of weight. I devoured all the marked-down Halloween candy, all the yummy fall treats, enough Thanksgiving dinner and homemade treats while staying with family, and basically just kept going down that path until kingdom come. It got worse when my grandfather somewhat expectedly and somewhat unexpectedly died the week before Christmas. I went home to my family and we ate our feelings for a week, then I gorged myself on Christmas cookies and more discounted candy. Once I came home to my empty house after all that emotional zig-zagging, I consciously continued the bender. I truly don’t remember the last time I worked out, but I want to say it was… early October? Ugh.
The night before my grandfather’s funeral, I got a punishing migraine. I get them from time to time, but I thought I had identified the main cause of them — a too-tight hair tie around my wrist — and hadn’t had one since. Well, turns out crying/fighting not to cry/not sleeping well/not eating right/getting no exercise/having crazy emotions can produce them, too… with a vengeance. I was knocked off my feet in a cold, dark room for hours, finally throwing up so violently and forcefully I’m surprised it wasn’t coming out of my eyes and ears in addition to my mouth and nose. That was only my third vomit-inducing migraine, and by far the worst. I never want to feel like that again.
Yesterday, I decided the way I would end the year-long migraine that was 2017 was by fasting. I just didn’t eat for 30 hours, from the time I went to bed on the 30th to the time I “woke up” this morning. Why the air quotes? Well, because fasting is — duh — a detox, and my body had a LOT to detoxify itself of. (Yes, I am aware that I am not detoxified now after one day of not eating, but the process started.) I got a nasty migraine again in the afternoon yesterday, and it didn’t fully dissipate until after I ate breakfast this morning, meaning I was essentially awake all night in mind-numbing pain, in spite of my perfectly lovely NYE plan of sleeping right through the stroke of midnight. 2017 just couldn’t let me go without one last kick in the head. (At least I didn’t yak this time, although that at least would have provided some relief.)
Sooooo, when I got on the scale this afternoon (after 2 meals and 2 snacks), I was certain that I would see at least a 12-pound gain from my last weight check on December 3rd. The proximal dehydration from my 30-hour fast, coupled with the month and a half of eating everything in sight and making zero effort to counteract any of that damage with physical activity, really should have ballooned my weight waaaaaay up. And yet — don’t ask me how — I weigh 2 pounds less than I did on that date, and only 2 pounds more than I did when I weighed in for a Transformer DietBet on November 14th.
OK, body. You came to play.
My meals for the week are prepped and portioned. I stayed fully on my meal plan today and am on track with my water intake. Yesterday was the reset. Today is technically day 1. Now let’s see about not stopping until the work is done.
And thanks, universe, for the solid of not making me 20 pounds heavier. I’ll try to remember this when I’m working my ass off and the scale isn’t budging at all. Mysterious ways, amirite?
Happy new year!
[…] Then, just before Christmas, my grandfather died. I don’t think I need to expound on that. Suffice it to say, I loved him very much and everything about letting him go was awful and painful, sometimes physically. […]
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