Oh no — I got sick!
Most normal people, when they’re sick, curl up on the couch and proceed not to move for days. I spent day one of my sickness fighting it off by driving 5 hours back to my place from my parents’ once I knew I was succumbing to illness (dramatic!), and using my last ounce of strength to go immediately to the grocery store after making the trip so I could have something to eat for the next however many days (assuming consciousness was part of the deal; it wasn’t when I got sick last year). I made soup on Sunday between episodes I was clearing out of my Hulu queue and, when my internet crashed for several hours, watching The Holiday on DVD.
I’m on day 4 of this craptastic sickness, and I seem to be recovering incredibly quickly by comparison to last year, when I was fully out of commission for 8 days. It’s surely partly due to being a different sickness, but also partly due to being overall healthier now than I was then. That being said, I definitely fell asleep last night in the midst of a full-on Pizza Hut fantasy. I’m telling you, I could smell the imaginary pizza through my stopped-up nose and taste it on my dry, chapped lips (even though I can’t smell the soup I’ve been forcing myself to eat, or taste the sriracha-coated Brussels sprouts I’m also forcing myself to eat). I take solace in knowing it’s probably more about missing being able to enjoy the experience of eating than it is about actually wanting Pizza Hut. I woke up with no trace of that intense craving. (Luckily, that craving hit after business hours!)
I am now spending cold, rainy days all alone, loafing around the house with no strength to do anything productive, like pick up the piles of tissues lying on every surface in the place. It’s a Herculean effort just to take a shower, even though that’s the one moment of the day where I have full operation of my lungs. And I’m bored. I’ve cleared out my entire Hulu queue, and it’s not replenishing because everything is on stupid “winter hiatus” — whoever had that idea should be savagely beaten. And because I’m bored, I’m getting powerful cravings for food I don’t actually want when I’m not even hungry. Dafuq??
Exercise. I need exercise.
Unfortunately, the knives I’m currently storing in my chest wouldn’t cooperate with physical activity beyond getting into and out of bed. Hell, I have to be strategic about how dire the need is to blow my nose, because doing so triggers a coughing fit that’s not necessarily worth the nasal relief.
Basically, this sucks. I’m lonely, I have cabin fever, I crave junk but can’t really eat (or taste or smell) anyway, my body craves exercise but can’t really move, and I feel like I got hit by a truck. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Suddenly, I remembered what kept me company when I started out on this solo mission to lose an entire person’s worth of weight from my own body: weight-loss shows. In April and May, I replaced binge eating with binge watching The Biggest Loser, My 600-Lb Life, Downsize Me, Extreme Weight Loss, and, most importantly, Fat Doctor. FD is a British show that follows 2 people per episode through their struggles with weight, and they ultimately undergo gastric bypass surgery to save their lives. Because it’s not a prudish American production, people speak very plainly about their experiences at morbidly obese sizes, and they actually show the patients’ operations. It can be hard to watch, but it’s also helpful and hopeful. If I hadn’t had these people’s stories to identify with — and to warn me — it’s difficult to imagine how I would have blazed through the beginning of the weight-loss process. I don’t know why I haven’t mentioned before how instrumental these shows were with keeping my commitment on track early on.
There was one episode of Fat Doctor that was especially gut wrenching, one that I think back to involuntarily and then subsequently can’t get out of my head for hours. I’d encourage anyone in need of a reality check, of motivation, of a reminder of why they’re doing this to watch this episode (do NOT read the comments below the video if you want to avoid spoilers, which WILL take away from the impact of watching). Again, this will be an emotional viewing, but man, will it be worth it if you’re struggling right now. Even if you’re not struggling, or not even trying to lose weight, or have never been obese, I would encourage you to watch this episode. It will provide you insight into what being dangerously heavy is really like, and why people who live this every day are so desperate for a change.
Perspective, my friends. Pizza Hut sounds so stupid now. If you need me, I’ll be catching up on season 4 of Fat Doctor.
On a lighter note, I can’t wait to work out again! How sick is that?!