Tag Archives: frustration

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NEW DAY 242: Talking body

The past full week tested me.

I saw the scale dip below 200 lbs for the first time in 10 years. I did this mid-week weigh-in specifically because I had my August 11th – February 10th weigh-out to do, which is *the* exception to my Power 11 rule about only doing once weekly weight checks (on Sundays). I handily won that Transformer, going from 268.4 pounds in August to 202.8 pounds on February 11th1 — nearly 2.5 times more than what I needed to lose. Even better, it was the most I’ve ever raked in from a Transformer bet: $343.70! Conversely, it was the smallest group of people I’ve ever played with in a Transformer bet, and possibly any DB at all — so it was a VERY pleasant surprise to clean up like that! My theory is that people signed up for it in August and either lost track of it with the calendar busy-ness between start and end dates, or they fell victim to it: back to school, Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and all the functions, parties, events, and promotions that come along with all those occasions.


It’s always a great day to collect. And I felt pretty proud to review these 6 months of pretty fantastic effort and results.

But the good times ended there.

At the beginning of the week, I was contending with intense lower back pain that seemed to hit out of nowhere last Saturday when I woke up. It followed me into Sunday and Monday, and finally fucked off on Tuesday after some desperate interventions I made on Monday night that either paid off quickly or perfectly coincided with the natural ending of the pain. One of those was changing from sleeping on two pillows to sleeping on only one pillow. After losing 100 pounds, my shoulders are narrower, which means I don’t need a stack of pillows to properly support my neck as a side sleeper. I never thought about it until my back started complaining, but I made that adjustment and not only slept better, but woke up on Tuesday with no pain. I felt rejuvenated enough on Tuesday to hit a PBR on the elliptical in my workout that evening: 7.05 miles in one hour on the elliptical. Woohoo!

On Thursday, I had a bit of an emotional hangover from putting myself through some mental health processing work on Wednesday night. It was a positive development overall that came from that, but it did leave me wrung out on Thursday — which consequently felt like a VERY long day. Friday also kind of dragged, but it ended with dinner with a friend I hadn’t seen since the end of June. Catching up with her was lovely and a much needed top-off of my social cup. (And yes, she was floored to see how different I look now!)

Yesterday was the roughest, though. I woke up with my period, which is a bit of a mixed-bag way to wake up. Now that my cycle has seemingly regulated itself, I feel this intense relief, joy, and gratitude when it shows up… and I also feel a bit of apprehension about it. Will it be debilitatingly heavy? Will the pain immobilize me? Then this spins out into feeling that I don’t even have the right to complain about any of the downsides, because I’m lucky to even be having a period now. (Yes, I have managed to emotionally complicate menstruation. Welcome to my mind.)

Anyway, I went for my haircut and lunch with a friend as planned, and everything was fine. Unfortunately, it all took a turn into death by a thousand cuts when I got to the gym for what was supposed to be my half-marathon training session where I’d be running 25 minutes straight for the first time, after multiple missed attempts at this since last week. Spoiler alert: it didn’t happen again. I got on the treadmill to do the damn thing, and my ankle instantly started whining. I figured I’d try to run anyway; it’s about 50/50 whether the pain subsides or not when I give it a shot when this happens. In the final minute of my warm-up walk, someone decided that the machine beside mine was The One — out of all the unoccupied machines beside absolutely no one in the gym that afternoon — they needed to use. Um, no, ma’am. So I hopped off and changed to a different machine that was apparently not good enough for her. I started my run speed, and my ankle all but tea-kettle screamed at me. I tried a couple of minutes, a couple of foot placement changes, trying to see if it would loosen up… but it wouldn’t. So I had to stop.

I was pissed.

But I was at the gym, and the second half of my planned workout for the day was strength training. I was able to complete my circuit without event, but my earbuds did die two minutes into the first exercise. That’s annoying on its own, but I had JUST charged the suckers because this same nonsense happened earlier in the week. Between reps, I was rage-ordering a USB-C wired pair when I realized that not only was my ankle was still making its displeasure known, but my head had joined in. I suddenly felt the pain of a raging headache that was going precisely nowhere. I used to get headaches pretty regularly, but since I’ve started exercising every day, they’ve been a rare misery. When they hit, though… ugh. Right on cue, I moved to my next machine and felt violent cramps join the full-on assault my body was now waging against me.

This gym session was cursed.

That’s when I decided two things:
1) I was absolutely finishing this strength training, unless my limbs fell the entire fuck off; and
2) My evening plans were not happening.

I did finish the arm weights. With sincere apologies, I did cancel my dinner.

And then I went home, did the barest of minimums of prep work, ate what could passably be called dinner, dosed up on Excedrin PM, and promptly passed out on the couch with my ankle icing and propped up.

When I woke up some time later, my headache had not subsided at all. The recommended amount of time between doses had not passed, but I had no energy and no fucks left to give. I popped two more pills, crawled on top of the heating pad in my bed, and was asleep before 8 PM.

And there I stayed for the next 13 hours.

I woke up today feeling a million times better: no trace of a headache, an appeased ankle, and weaker cramps. I’ve been able to be as productive as I needed to be today to make up for the total unproductiveness of yesterday, and my whole list is now accomplished as of almost 6 PM: 2 loads of laundry, 3 meals prepped and snacks pre-portioned for the week, dishes cleaned and put away, and Power 11 Sunday tasks completed. I also went on a brief social call to atone for my last-minute jilt last night, got gas in my car, and transferred the contents of my work bag that broke this week (because of course!) into the replacement for it I ordered that arrived today.

After the weird week I’ve had, it’s no surprise that my total weight loss this week was 0.6 pounds. It’s frustrating, but not terribly; I am a walking skin sack of bloat, sleepiness, and emotional wear. I did the best I could at balancing my training against what my body told me it needed this week, and I can’t expect the scale to reflect that. And now, that week is over. I am letting this Sunday sunset with my yummy dinner, then taking my cramps to bed before they start biting again.

The most important thing I have learned over the past few months is that when my body talks, I need to listen. Feeling a little behind in my training is the price of admission for ensuring I don’t sideline myself for days or weeks because I was trying to prove the wrong point.

One positive thing I can say with full force is that even though this week tried my patience, disrupted my plans, and forced me into what feels like stalled progress, I have NOT fallen into past traps.
I didn’t get angry and storm out of the gym, costing myself any amount of movement altogether.
I didn’t push myself to keep plans — with myself or with others — that would have involved suffering for me.
Most importantly, I never once reached for comfort in the form of sugar-coated sabotage.

I’ve said it before, and I repeat it for a reason: that’s how I know I’ve changed. Unhealthy food doesn’t solve my problems. It is was my problems.

My body doesn’t want bad food that tastes good. My body wants care.

Some days go smoothly.
Some days go roughly.

All I can do is keep going safely.

I trust myself now. Nothing feels better than that.

  1. If you are reading this and noticing that 202.8 pounds is not below 200 lbs — yes. My below weigh-in at 198 was at 5:30 AM, after a pee, nothing new in my system, and buck-ass naked. This is not how I usually weigh in; my typical checks are between lunch and dinner, fully clothed. I have to submit photos for DietBet, so I follow their guidelines in my normal weigh-ins for consistency across my own records. Why the change, then? Because this milestone was important for me, and I wanted to do it this way. Enough said. ↩︎
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NEW DAY 235: 99

As of today’s weigh-in, I have officially lost an even 99 pounds since February 20th of last year.

As predicted, my numbers have slowed in the past couple of weeks. Some of it is because of travel and sleep disruptions. Some if it is the natural tapering that happens the smaller a formerly excessively large body becomes. And some of it is muscle building from the strength training I’ve incorporated into my regimen.

But I’m only a pound away from the 100-pound milestone, which I want to hit by the 11th.

This focus on a triple-digit loss by Wednesday is relatively new. I know the milestone is coming, just as I know the 100s are coming. The 100s are less of a fixation; that will happen sometime this month, and it will be the right time, whenever it is. The 100-pound loss is one I’m craving pretty strongly, and the date feels like gravity.

I do have a tendency to focus too much on the story, the poetry, the meanings of unconnected plot points.

In truth, I need no symbolism to anchor a 100-pound drop that happens in under a year or a big to-do for making it from a dark February 11th to a bright one a year later. Much less do I need something to tether these two big deals.

But I want it. All of the above.

So, just as I’ve been doing since June 18th, I’m going for it.
Not desperately. Not maniacally. Not recklessly.
But intentionally, and with all I’ve got.

If I miss, I miss. It wouldn’t be a failure, just a postponement.

And yet there’s something crazy enough in me that makes me think that losing a pound in three days is totally doable.

Let’s find out…!

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NEW DAY 169: Fuckin’ nuts

It’s easy to notice certain behavioral changes during weight loss. At some point in the last 5 months, I started wearing dresses to accentuate curves instead of to disguise my whole body as an amorphous blob (and fooling nobody). I’ve become more comfortable putting my hair up in public and exposing the neck I suddenly have, which sometimes even sports a necklace. I now invite people to walk places with me in the absence of fear I’ll be panting for breath beside them the whole time, mortified. I no longer deflect positive remarks on my progress, and instead fully embraced my brother, along with his beaming exclamation when he saw me on Thanksgiving for the first time since early August. He’d had that look in his eye from the moment he saw me walk in that screamed I noticed!, and he couldn’t wait to tell me with full eye contact before he hugged me: “[Sister]! You’re so little!”

Other changes are harder to catch in action. Paradoxically, the biggest behavioral change I’ve made during my New Days is the one that completely failed to register until just a few hours ago: I’m no longer an emotional eater.

This is beyond monumental. It enters the realm of straining credulity.

Without going into a whole thing, I’ll state simply that the past month or so has been stressful, exciting, anxiety inducing, fun, sad, healing, deeply frustrating, and tiring. In short, it’s been taxing on the more-extreme ends of multiple points of my emotional range. I’ve felt it all. It’s shown up as tension in my arms and shoulders, a shorter fuse, and heightened restlessness, all exacerbated by insufficient sleep rooted in the intensity of how life is right now. How it has not shown up is in destructive behavior.

I cope by using my lunch break for a tour on the walking pad at my desk. I cope by venting my feelings in writing. I cope by commiserating with people in my support network. I cope by singing loudly while taking scalding-hot showers. I cope by running faster, or longer, or both.

I do not cope by consuming unhealthy things. (Anymore.) I don’t even have that impulse. (Anymore.)

When this realization struck me today, I froze in place. It had not occurred to me how much must have changed not only for that fundamental habit to have fallen out of my coping repertoire, but for me to have not even noticed that it had.

As if it’s not the biggest of deals.
As if it’s always been this way.
As if it was just that easy.

It is.
It hasn’t.
It was.

But here I am, reconstructed from the inside out. Because 168 days ago, I made a choice that created a chain reaction of subsequent choices that led to a change in me at the cellular level. In that tentative moment on that June day, without grasping the magnitude of what that one choice was setting in motion, I changed my life.

I am not the sad, broken, grayscale person I was for the first half of 2025. I am the centered, recovering, technicolor person on my way to becoming the happy, integrated, vibrant person I want to be.

Strength is a slow burn. You’re strong when you act on any choice you make, but it’s not until you one day realize how far you’ve come that you understand your strength now is only because of your strength then.

Anyone can make a choice: Stop eating the sugar. Train for the half marathon. Throw your hat in the ring for the opportunity. It’s every choice you make after that first one that will either honor that initial strength or not. That’s how you rebuild. That’s how you renew. That’s how you reclaim.

That’s how “never” becomes “maybe some day”, and “some day” becomes NOW.

Fuckin’ nuts.

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NEW DAY 159: Roller coastering

As much as last Sunday was unintentionally awesome, last Wednesday was unintentionally horrendous.

Between manufactured work drama (and the resulting stress), exhaustion from barely sleeping the previous few nights, and life life-ing, the day didn’t really stand much of a chance. Unfortunately, it culminated in an ankle injury when I tried to mitigate all of that by running outside before I was ready. So yeah, it found a way to get worse!

It’s my fault I tweaked my always-ready-to-act-up ankle. Having only myself to blame makes the thing that made it all worse, worse.

I’ll skip the part where I whine for several days about being sidelined and losing the centerpiece of my emotional regulation while my angry ankle threw its tantrum. I made a wise adult decision and gave myself the day off on Thursday to rest, in every sense. It was the best choice I could have made, and I am beyond glad I made it.

The week ended on a decisive upswing, but I had to continue to pause my half marathon training to ensure I wouldn’t aggravate my temperamental joint, which hurt well into the weekend. Today, I finally felt it was strong enough to tolerate an outdoor walk on the hilly trails, and it seems to be holding up well in the aftermath so far — even after walking the long path the fastest I ever have. If I have no protests from it the rest of the day, I’m going to take myself back to the gym tonight. I don’t want to push too hard, but I really don’t want to lose more training days than necessary, either.

I did get some good news today: I won my Kickstarter that ended yesterday, AND the DietBet scrutiny has been lifted!

It doesn’t even stop there for DB, although this next bit of good news is qualified:

This is my current progress for the Transformer that ends on February 10th. Looks pretty great, right? But here’s why it’s qualified:

It’s currently about halfway through round 4, and I’ve lost 20% of my starting weight as of this morning’s DB weigh-out for that Kickstarter. I am nowhere near the risk of losing 12% within a single month, but I’m looking out to that round 6 disqualification figure and seeing the very real possibility of exceeding the 30% drop limit by that point. The math maths.

HOWEVER…

It’s not a foregone conclusion. There are some major holidays coming up between now and then, as well as a 2-week trip I’m taking at the end of the year. There’s not so much a threat to my eating as there is to my normal activity level, but it could be enough to put the brakes on. Plus, this progress will naturally hit the skids at some point. When I start strength training, building muscle will slow the drops on the scale. And just generally speaking, this clip is unsustainable. Or at least, you’d think so — but bodies seem to REALLY hate sugar, and they party like crazy when it’s gone. With very little exercise between my Sunday-to-Sunday weigh-in days, mine still coughed up 4.2 lbs. I’m not saying I wasn’t still making an effort during what felt a bit like a lost week, but it was not the level of intensity I’d planned when it started, and still this big number showed up for me.

Anyway, I’ll be keeping an eye on all of this, of course. It’s a lot to manage, but hey — that’s life life-ing for ya.

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NEW DAY 114: Pic a little, talk a little

This has been a frustrating week. I am feeling so TGIF, I could be watching Boy Meets World. (#Millennials) In fact, here’s a gif — because you can’t spell TGIF without GIF.

(Yes, I know it would have been better to have put a Boy Meets World gif there, but I didn’t. Let’s move on.)

The 75 Hard tasks this week have felt like a heavy lift, particularly those pesky second workouts. Getting myself psyched up enough to go do workout #2 every evening has been an EFFORT. But I’ve been doing it! I still feel good at the end of my exercise sessions and have no designs on quitting the challenge, but the challenge was much easier and more enjoyable until the recent switch away from when I genuinely looked forward to both. Sixty-two days is a long time to go without a single rest day, and needless to say, 75 days is even longer. It’s simply starting to wear on me.

…believe it or not, “wear on me” is actually a phrase I didn’t intend to use there, but damn if it isn’t a completely perfect pivot point — because I just finished combing through my library of 75 Hard daily progress selfies and noticing the differences in how my workout clothes have been *literally* wearing on me these past 2 months. The garb I’m usually rocking in my photos is my outdoor workout stuff: shorts and a sleeveless top. Today, I wore the exact same combination of top and bottom attire that I wore back on day 13, so I pulled up the two pics for a side-by-side comparison.

Holy whoa.

I knew I could feel a difference in how the clothes were fitting, but actually seeing the differences through the cruelly objective camera lens really hit. A pu pu platter of my reaction thoughts:

  • I was so much bigger 49 days ago — and that was after having already lost a notable amount of weight in the two months leading up to that point.
  • Day 62 Me looks taller.
  • 75 Hard is chiseling a shape out of the amorphous blob that was my figure 2 months ago.
  • Gosh, Day 13 Me looks unhappy.

It’s been an eventful 9 weeks, both in terms of what my body has extraneously endured and persevered through in the name of sticking with the challenge, as well as in the grand scheme of things life wise. It’s no wonder I’ve felt drained lately (although that’s been less of an issue since my most recent period ended a few days ago). If I were capable of sustaining a camera-lens level of objectivity at all times, I’d more readily have the accurate perspective that I’ve absolutely dominated these past 62 days in spite of some true nonsense that’s come my way in that time.

I will honor the sad person in the day 13 photo who wants to feel better, to look better, to do better, to be better. I know I’m gonna finish 75 Hard — I know that. And it’s gonna feel freakin’ fantastic.

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NEW DAY 110: Shadowy figures

For the second week in a row, my weight loss wasn’t what I was hoping for.

It’s true that any loss is a move in the right direction — and objectively, the amount I shed this past week was an amount I’ll probably kill to have a few months from now — but the back-to-back modest decreases on the scale seem unaligned with the effort (and exhaustion) I’ve put in for the past two weeks.

As always, I try to keep perspective: weight loss during 75 Hard is a happy byproduct, not the primary goal. I’m working on my mental toughness and keeping commitments to myself, and I’m coming through on those fronts so far. That said, I’d be lying if I claimed to have no hoped-for final total number of lost pounds in mind for this challenge — and it’s hard not to fixate on that alongside my personally disappointing numbers from the past two weeks.

BUT there are plenty of other positives to focus on. For one, I’ve racked up another official DietBet victory as of today, and am only 1.1 pound away from winning the Kickstarter that ends a week from now. I’ve persisted with 75 Hard (day 58, baby!) and continued to prioritize my health. And, most excitingly, I’m seeing more and more evidence of the physical changes in my body.

Over the weekend, I tried on 7 dresses that didn’t fit when I first started 75 Hard. Three of them now fit, and the other 4 should by the time the challenge is over. I found my very old fat pants and saw tonight that they’re too big at the waist by about 6 inches. I’ve moved a ring I’ve been wearing on my ring finger to my middle finger so it won’t slide off. I can see more bones in my hands and feet. Perhaps most unexpectedly and strangest of all: my shadow looks thinner.

Now I know that shadows aren’t the best metric of, well, anything. But I’ve been staring at mine during outdoor workouts for nearly 2 full months as it walks, jogs, and dances alongside me. During these outings, I’ve seen the bulges and pudge accentuated by the sun in ways that not even the mirror is cruel enough to shove in my face so mercilessly. Suddenly, this week, there’s, like… a whole lot less of that.

My figure is smoother. It’s not just that it moves more fluidly; its lines are more continuous. It’s more graceful, less bulky, and somehow more confident. It’s perhaps a strange thing to notice, but it’s also an impossible one not to.

It’s important to pay attention to how all of the normal markers are changing during a weight-loss mission. Non-scale victories are validating and affirming when the numbers don’t feel satisfying, and they’re helpful data beyond the unreliable narrator that is That Number. Things that keep me sane are pretty worthwhile, I’ve found, so I’ll always welcome them with open arms — even if some might call them a little shady. 😉

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NEW DAY 102: Feel the burn

For the last few days, I’ve noticed an unfortunate new trend: I get heartburn every time I eat. It doesn’t matter what time of day it is or even what I’m eating; it’s every time. It sticks around for up to 20-30 minutes after I finish and then stays away until the next time I eat something. I’m pretty much only drinking flat unflavored water these days, but I have noticed this happening the handful of times I’ve had coffee this past week, too. Tums reliably kill my heartburn nearly instantaneously, but they contain sugar, which means I can’t take them while I’m on 75 Hard without violating my chosen meal plan — so all there is to do is ride it out.

Needless to say, this is not delightful. I haven’t had heartburn in so long that I can’t guess, but it’s safe to say that my last instance of it was several months ago. Since then, my health has objectively improved along with my eating habits. I’m also not consuming anything unusual this week; it’s all things my body is used to and has never had a problem with before. It’s not the worst acid reflux I’ve ever experienced, but it’s weird for this to be happening. What could cause sudden heartburn like this?

I made the mistake of asking Google. Most common causes:

  • Alcohol — nope
  • Coffee and other sources of caffeine, including chocolate — nope
  • Carbonated drinks — nope
  • Peppermint or spearmint — nope
  • Spicy, fatty, or greasy foods — nope
  • Acidic fruits and vegetables, like tomatoes, onions, and citrus —nope
  • Pregnancy — nope
  • Side effects of medication — nope
  • Smoking — nope
  • Weight gain — nope
  • Anxiety — I mean, a little, but generally I’d say nope

So if it’s not any of those things, that leaves three options:

  1. This is a freak occurrence that will disappear as mysteriously as it began
  2. Something else is going on that I can’t figure out because I’m not a doctor
  3. This is an indicator of something more serious, like a hernia, ulcer, GERD, or heart attack 😬

My money’s on #2. And so the riding it out continues, I suppose.

Oh, and I’d like to personally thank my fellow Googlers for search term #3. New fear unlocked.

In other news, it’s a momentous occasion: day 50 of 75 Hard! Once all my daily tasks are checked off, it means this challenge is officially ⅔ done. Just 3½ weeks left! I wish I could say I was feeling a resurgence in enthusiasm for it, but I’m still doing a lot of pulling myself along. I had been looking forward to my weekly weigh-in today in hopes that it would give me a little boost, but it didn’t; this was the second-lowest drop I’ve posted during 75 Hard. I’m clinging to the notion that my lowest weekly loss (1.8 lbs) was followed by my highest ever (7.2 lbs), so maybe that history will repeat itself and I’ll be looking at a bigger, more satisfying number next week.

No time to fixate on any of that now, though. Last week is last week. I’m off for my outdoor workout where I’ll try a new trail in the sun. 😎

EDIT ADDED AFTER INITIAL POST:
I just took a look at my active DietBets to see my progress to goal for each one. I knew that I’d already won the one I’m in that ends tomorrow, but I have two other Kickstarters and a Transformer going. For the other Kickstarters, I’m within reach by those end dates with 1.4 lbs left to lose for the bet ending October 5th (one week from today) and 3.5 lbs to go for the one ending the following week on the 12th. I had locked up round 2 of my Transformer bet already, but I looked at that bet anyway to see where I was in relation to my overall 10% weight loss goal to hit by February. And, um:

I am 1.6 lbs under my final Transformer goal, which is 10% of my August 11th body weight. WHOA.

Once one or two of my current Kickstarters end, I’m seriously considering entering a second concurrent Transformer. I’m not really tracking my progress anywhere but in these blog posts, so seeing graphs like this on DB is hugely encouraging. (Yes, I realize I could easily track this stuff somewhere, but I have some pretty serious app fatigue.)

I’m glad I had that peek. My weight loss this week wasn’t enough to make me feel great on its own, but it was enough to get me beyond the finish line of a much loftier goal with a longer timeline.

It all adds up — it’s just a matter of perspective.

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NEW DAY 89: Was blind, but now I see

The spell is broken: halfway through 75 Hard and I’m finally able to notice some changes in my progress picture for the very first time. They aren’t major differences, but enough that I no longer feel gaslit by my own eyes.

Unfortunately, what has always accompanied moments like this for me is the unwelcome reality of how far I still have left to go. I unconsciously zone in on the areas of my body that bother me most and bore hate into them with my laser eyeballs, as if the heat from my resentment will melt the fat right off. (Spoiler alert: it has not.)

I’m not feeling deflated or discouraged, but I am feeling tired. It’s the familiar moment of being a third of the way up a very steep hill I’m walking and knowing the only way to the top is to keep putting one weary foot in front of the other and dragging my wide load all the way up. How the heck long am I gonna have to drag my ass until I get there? UGH.

And yet, I have nothing to reasonably complain about. I have only been at this for a little over 3 months, and my progress has been remarkable. That virtue of patience I hear so much about is not one I possess, but keeping things in perspective, I am dropping weight quite quickly with the help of 75 Hard. I know that won’t last forever; the losses will slow as there’s less to lose, and I will have a new level of mental toughness to attain.

Until then, I’ll look back at the distance I’ve covered so far and be proud of my aching feet for putting it behind me.

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NEW DAY 69: Whining and dining

Greetings from the end of 75 Hard, day 17! Somehow, I’m more than 20% of the way through this wild ride — and it hasn’t been too difficult. Once I got past the horror that was day 4, fitting the components of the challenge into my routine became fairly straightforward. Some days are a bit more challenging than others in terms of finding the time for two 45-minute workouts spaced at least 3 hours apart, but the actual nuts and bolts of the requirements have been easy to stick to.

The one thing that has been tricky is the food scene. Since my chosen dietary plan to follow is no added sugar, my options outside of meals I prepare for myself are severely limited; sugar lurks in virtually every packaged item in some form or another, and in a disturbingly high volume of restaurant dishes. Twice over the weekend, I ran into trouble: once with a home-cooked meal at my parents’ house, and again ordering out at an Italian place. I had to check the labels of the ingredients my mom used in what she made — and found that I couldn’t eat one thing because it contained some added sugar, albeit <1% of what was in the container. At the restaurant, everything was either cooked in wine or almost definitely full of sugar. There was precisely one item I could safely order, so that decision was made for me. Luckily it was something I like!

This part of 75 Hard has been tough not because I want sugar, but because I don’t want sugar — and it’s in everything. At no point have I struggled with a choice, been tempted to stray from my plan, or so much as craved anything sweet; I’ve simply been unable to find good options. If that doesn’t speak volumes about American food…!

I’m not willing to be a social monk until October 24th, so occasional meals out are going to be risky for the duration. I know how to avoid the pitfalls and what the reliably safe selections are, but I still feel the frustration of having it be so difficult in the first place. Sugar is overused, and it’s so bad for us. In the 2.5 weeks I’ve been entirely (added) sugar free, my skin has become wonderfully smooth, clear, and soft. My energy levels have been more consistent and crashless. My sleep has improved by leaps and bounds. Food has tasted better. I’ve felt overall great. This is not a coincidence. It may not be entirely attributable to the dietary change, but it’s certainly largely — if not primarily — thanks to the lack of sugar I’ve been consuming.

So, while I expect that navigating the away-from-home meals landscape will continue to be a thorn in my side, I’m constantly seeing evidence of how healthy this choice of food plan is. It’s not an easy commitment, but I’m glad I made it.

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NEW DAY 60: Seeing is believing

Another metric is in: restaurant booths.

The last time I went to a certain fast casual chain was July 4th, which was about 6 weeks ago. I had been doing my frantic gym sessions and abrupt sugar detox for roughly 3 weeks at that point, so not much had noticeably changed for me physically yet. On July 4th, I struggled to squeeze into the restaurant booth and my body was touching both the back of the bench and the table throughout the meal — a reality I’d become all to familiar with, in spite of the discomfort.

Fast forward to yesterday when I returned to the scene of the ongoing crime. Several inches separated me from the edge of the table. I can comfortably fit into a booth again.

I had noticed the gradual changes over these past few weeks: more space between my belly and the steering wheel when I drive; less incidental contact with things like walls and furniture; roomier workout shirts; getting into tops that haven’t fit in several years. While my drops in weight haven’t been monumental, the slow slimming down of my figure has. In addition to fat, I was surely carrying a lot of bloat that has finally taken a hike.

I am falling into the trap of feeling frustrated that the number on the scale doesn’t seem to fully match what I’m observing off of it, and I’m trying to temper that as I continue my progress. I will say that the pounds lost aren’t obsessing me the way they used to in previous iterations of this. That tells me this is the healthiest approach I have ever had to getting healthy.

That beats every other metric, every time.